The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“Ka! Dang.Dang.Dang…”

The Big Ben in Sulfur Mountain City echoes through the sky, signaling that it is noon lunchtime. As the reassemble magic is triggered, after a bout of dizziness, I return back to my home where my body is.

When my head returns to where it belongs, the first thing I did was to check my body.

“1, 2, 3… 24. That’s weird, did the rascal change gender? To think that there isn’t a single rib bone missing.”

When I was surprised over the fact that there isn’t a single rib bone missing and was about to begin checking if any of my toe bones are missing, a voice filled with unhappiness could be heard from my back.

TL: The author used a phrase ‘??’ which means like faked unhappiness (something like acting cute, like when your lover teases you and you aren’t really angry but acting angry, but can’t find a word for it)

“Uncle Bone, I am already grown up. I will no longer anyhow touch the parts on a man’s body.”

There is nothing wrong with the sentence but why do I feel so awkward hearing it.

Turning around, I see a red-haired teenage girl staring at me. Just as what I saw in a glance before, that young snotty brat has become a fine young lady now.

Due the unique training methods of those with the blood of the Fire Phoenix, she has similar traits with Adam. Long fire-red hair that sways with the wind, slender long thighs that are straight as a compass, the originally circular face that were filled with baby fat has transformed into a sharp oval face. The only thing that remains unchanged was the innocence in her eyes and the mole under her red eye that added to her femininity.

TL: Compass as in the mathematical tool.

“Hey, humans really grow very fast. Just yesterday, you were still a rascal shouting ‘kuma”kuma’but now, you have become a fine lady.”

As my head turned around with a kaka cracking sound, Annie’s face, at the start, was still solemn, then a look of surprise before she burst into laughter.

“Crap, my image.” Without a trace of emotion on my face, I tore away the note on my head. Then, I silently took the cloth Elisa was passing over and wiped away the turtle on my skullcap.

Why? You can’t comprehend what is going on? While waiting for the reassemble magic to trigger, I played 8 rounds (??) of mahjong with Little Red and accidentally lost 2 rounds… Hmph, I wasn’t the loser. Little Red has it worse than me. Her entire body is filled with scribbles and now she doesn’t even need make up to pass off as a black dragon to go conduct robbery.

TL: If I’m not wrong, 1 set of Mahjong consists of 4 rounds and a full mahjong game consists of 4 set or 16 rounds.

As for why didn’t we use gold coins or our finances as bet and chose to just paste notes and draw turtles, it is because we are both magic experts and there isn’t any bottom limit to our chastity. If we really put up something attractive as a bet, then this game which was used as a pastime would ultimately become a game of cheating or… What was that? Supernatural Mahjong Shoujo?

TL: Shoujo -> Young lady

Alright, seems I accidentally arrowed something. Let’s just make it Genius Magic Mahjong Teenager then.

“Sigh, nowadays, why is it so hard to just play a game of normal Mahjong.”

Annie giggles behind her hand. I know my face must look terrible now. After all, it is hard to see a Lich with a turtle drawn on his head. Those Dracons who were called in to play with us also looked at us with the same surprised look…

“Is it very weird? Can the evil Lich and the destructive Red Dragon not sit down together to play Mahjong as a pastime? As long as we

“No, that’s not it.” The red-haired young lady shakes her head.

“After spending some time travelling out there, the world has changed. After coming back, those people whom I was close with has become weird. They are always trying to get Annie to do this and that, their gestures are weird but they refuse to simply say it. Looking at those fake smiles, Annie feels so stressed out these days. But now, seeing that Auntie Little Red and Uncle Bones are still the same, I feel so relieved.”

Annie smiles, a smile that comes along with indescribable yearning and satisfaction. Looks like, this training tour this time has made this little princess of Sulfur Mountain City mature quite a bit.

“Pah!”

Yet, I broke the mood and knocks on the other party’s head with my bones.

“Just how old are you? Don’t speak like an elderly. Lamenting about life and remembering the past should be left to the elderly. Even I am still young. Also, I am fine with you calling me uncle but calling Little Red…”

“Annie knows, when I see Auntie Little Red, I will call her Sister Little Red. Otherwise, when everyone is gone, Auntie Little Red is going to hide in the rock walls and sob secretly. Her cries are super loud, we can even hear it clearly from the bottom of the mountain. She doesn’t even realize that, how embarrassing.”

“Un, that’s right, those over-age unmarried young ladies are extremely sensitive. We should pity them, sympathize with them and love them. If you see Margaret, how should you call her?”

“Sister Margaret! Annie knows.”

“Right, remember to call her that in front of Adam.” I said that while snickering.

Annie is Adam’s disciple and at the same time, her goddaughter. Despite knowing this, Margaret gave Annie her own surname Layde, which indubitably expresses a certain wish of hers. But, not to mention calling her mother, Annie has always been calling her sister, which results in Adam suddenly becoming a generation more senior than Margaret, causing her great distress.

Of course, making her more distressed is also part of my duty.

“Remember, you must frequently praise Margaret for being young and beautiful and that an uncle like Adam isn’t worthy of her.” The prerequisite for a child being loose with their words is that there isn’t anyone around to teach them…

“Lord, teacher Margaret has left a message. If you continue to teach Annie these stuff, she will put in her weight as the Head of Internal Affairs to deduct the funds you claimed to be ‘work allowance’ but used to purchase those limited edition classic books.”

I almost forget that I had Margaret’s spy just by my side. I have always thought it was weird how a saint and a half-demon managed to get along so well but my head maid Elisa is indeed Margaret’s disciple in name.

Short hair, gold-rimmed glasses, expressionless and a venomous tongue, these are all unique traits of Margaret. Even her action of intentionally standing on high ground and giving me a look of despise with icy-cold eyes while her right hand supports her gold-rimmed glasses was so similar to her. I couldn’t help but sigh.

“Can you don’t imitate Margaret so much? Recently you are becoming more and more alike with that old spinster, be careful that you might not be able to get married.”

“To be able to be similar with teacher is my honor. Also, I will pass along your evaluation of teacher to her, just wait for your funds to get cut.”

“Then, I will first cut the operation expenses of your ‘Observer’ so that you can experience the taste of being chased for wages by the spies under you.”

“Feel free, then I will steal from the living quarter’s household expenses. You want to try experiencing a lifestyle where water supply and gas supply suddenly stops? You want to experience how is it like when all the candles suddenly go off deep in the night? You want to feel how it is when the toilet bowl suddenly explodes…”

“Hey hey hey, this isn’t related to the funds anymore. You are already plotting a murder to steal my fortunes. You evil maid!”

“You black-hearted boss who owes your workers their wages…”

“Pu!” Seeing the both of us bicker, the excited Annie laughs out.

“Sister Elisa is still the same as ever, I’m glad. The relationship between Sister Elisa and Uncle Bones is so close that it really makes one jealous.”

“Our relationship isn’t close!” This time, Elisa and I, in a rarely seen coincidence, happened to say the same words at the same time.

———————

Annie played for a bit in my old quarters before leaving for home. As the future City Lord who just finished her adventure outside, there is a lot of things that she still need to learn

Sitting by the window, I look how boisterous rascal jumping about before below has changed into a fine lady walking elegantly. I felt a little sentimental.

“She really changed a lot.”

Yeah, humans are indeed creatures with high tendency to change. Annie’s changes upon growing up was huge, way beyond my expectations.

“Annie.Layde Race: Human

Job: LV60Warrior/LV18Sword Saint

Total: LV78, Fighting power evaluation: Gold-pinnacle, Quasi-Legend

Yes, what I meant wasn’t personality or figure, but her basic power.

The current Annie, if I don’t resort to my aces, I might not be able to beat her.

Iron Bloodline, Copper Body, Iron Dignity, for a normal human, every stage is a tough hurdle they spend their entire life trying to bypass. If a person reaches LV60 pinnacle of silver, if they want to take a step forward, they must undergo job advancement. This is the boundary between mortals and heroes.

If they succeed, they receive a higher-tier job and enters the stage of Golden Will, also what the world call Expert. In the eyes of most people in the world, their impressions of gold-rank experts are all a bunch of elderly.

Annie is only seventeen years old and to reach silver-rank at this age can already be said to be a genius by the view of the world. As for pinnacle of gold… Elisa is also pinnacle of gold and even under the tutelage of two SemiGod Mage, me and Margaret, it still took her a hundred years…

The reason why it is named Golden Will is because gold-rank experts are able to use their wills to twist the reality of the world, something beyond the means of mortals.

When I was praised as the Child of Light, I reached gold-rank when I was only 14 and this was because I had the augmentation of the Power of Holy Light as a Holy Light, which makes crossing the boundary between different ranks easier. Back then, I was still far from the Gold pinnacle and yet, I was praised as the Holy Church’s 1 in 300 years genius.

“Should I be astonished? As expected of the superhero who killed me in the ‘original history’. So, if back then I was known as a 1 in 300 years hard-to-come-by genius, then should Annie be called the 1 in 500 years hard-to-come-by genius?”

Somehow, I remember another man that was known as a genius and a hero. That year, the red-haired him stood with a face full of silliness in front of me.

“Big brother, your swordsmanship is really incredible, can you teach me? My name is Adam and I came from White Rock Village. My goal is to become a hero and marry Lisa as my wife then… brag to everyone back at the village! Right, I must also become a big property owner so that I can be like old Peter next door who can simply collect rent, smoke weed every day while watching other people work…”

A hundred years have passed and from a countryside teenager, he completed half of his heroic dream. But a pity it is that the other half is destined to never be fulfilled.

That silly boy then is still silly now, but just a few days ago, he told me that he had enough of living, that he misses home and hopes to die…

“What a pity, Adam…”

I shook my head. After years of getting along with him, I know that he determination will not waver. At this moment, I should abandon the excessive emotions and focus my attention on thinking rationally.

Annie growth is too fast, to the extent that it is inconceivable.

“Even though there is the help from the elemental tide as well, which makes going up the ranks easier, but even so, it wouldn’t be that fast… No, Adam then was also quite outrageous. It might be the special trait of their inheritance. A life-form like the Phoenix grows stronger the closer they are to death. Before they burn themselves to death, they will pass on their power and experience to the next generation, helping them to improve by leaps and bounds… So that is to say, Adam’s time is about to come huh.”

Thinking about it, I should have expected it. That lad, if it wasn’t the final straw, he wouldn’t come to me seeking help.

Somehow, I remember the days we spent adventuring 130 years ago. The Adam then was a dumbass, Margaret was still a rookie Mage, Lisa was a natural thief that couldn’t even rival a rookie and Little Red is our lucky object and hidden boss of our party.

Rather than party leader, I am more like a nanny who is bringing rookies out to earn some experience. My main role is to resolve the mess they stir up. Every day was tiring, but at the same time, it was fun.

“Then, I should hasten my footsteps. Hopefully I can revive earlier then, at least, as the big brother from the mouth of that dumbass, I can use my original looks to send off that silly guy.”

The arrow on top (the reference to the Supernatural Mahjong Shoujo) refers to Saki

Quasi-Legend means someone who has the power level of a legend, but not the special trait of the legend (The Soul Imprint) i.e they could be considered a legend-rank, but not really fulfilling all its criteria