The Daily Life of the Immortal King

Lord Ma wanted to cry but had no tears to shed. As a toilet, he had conscientiously guarded Wang Ling’s ensuite lavatory for many years… Although he had seen the buttocks of all the men in the Wang family, he had never been this offended and deeply penetrated before…

But this Miss Yu clearly didn’t see a problem with any of this. She roamed Lord Ma’s inner world merrily, grinning from ear to ear. Branches stretched out behind her to gulp down the nutrients under her feet, as if she was walking on a golden beach of gourmet food…

“Miss Yu… You really need to stop…” Lord Ma couldn’t take it anymore. His legs felt so weak he could barely stand! It was because this Miss Yu’s suction was really too strong!

He had been a toilet for so many years and had sucked countless things down his throat. Lord Ma didn’t think anyone was his match when it came to suction… However, after meeting this Miss Yu today, Lord Ma realized he was still too green…

It could only be said that as expected of Miss Yu; as the tree spirit spawned by the Cosmic God Tree of the seventh universe, from the moment she was watered as a sapling, she had used her formidable power to suck up nutrients to grow to her current state – no wonder Miss Yu was the most developed Cosmic God Tree of the ten universes.

When the Cosmic God Trees of the other universes had just acquired Doran’s Blade, this Miss Yu of the seventh universe had already collected the six divineitems ¹ …

The Cosmic God Tree ran in front while Lord Ma chased her. When Lord Ma was almost too weak to run any longer, Miss Yu finally stopped, and she gripped Lord Ma’s hands firmly. “You’re a toilet, I’m a tree spirit – we’re a match made in heaven!”

Lord Ma was startled… These two things could actually share a connection?!

“I don’t care. After I started to follow Gu Shunzhi, he’s never fed me full even once. Although the quality of the fertilizer in your space varies, at least there’s enough of it!” Miss Yu complimented Lord Ma, but that didn’t make him happy at all.

Speaking of Gu Shunzhi, Lord Ma was suddenly curious. “May I ask, Miss Yu, why did you choose to follow this Mr Gu to begin with…”

Miss Yu smiled a little bashfully. “I’ve been pissed on by so many people, who directly treat me as a public toilet. When I discovered how exceptionally good Gu Shunzhi’s fertilizer was, I decided to follow him. But he only uses the toilet once a month, which really drives me crazy!”

Lord Ma: “…”

Cultivators with high realms could control their own metabolism. Keepers of cosmic order like Gu Shunzhi were so busy that they often forgot to go to the toilet… Listening to Miss Yu speak, Lord Ma somehow felt like they were the words of a spoiled child.

Miss Yu: “That, if you don’t mind, how about we also sign a contract?”

Lord Ma was shocked. “You and me? I… I’m just an enlightened gremlin…”

Miss Yu nibbled on her fingers. “It doesn’t matter to me what you are – I just know that you are a master who can feed me until I’m full! Plus, your space will always be filled with waste, which will save me time foraging.”

Lord Ma took a deep breath. “Miss Yu, you mustn’t… You have to cancel your contract first before signing with me, don’t you?”

Miss Yu: “Then I’ll cancel the contract. It’s not a big deal.”

Lord Ma sweated and quickly made up an excuse. “That won’t do – if my master blames me, I’ll be beaten back into my original form, and Miss Yu may never find me again in this lifetime…”

Miss Yu sighed. “Your master is really strict! How about I go look for your master to make an exception? What does your master like? I’ll give him a gift!”

Lord Ma: “Crispy… crispy noodle snacks…”

“That’s easy!”

With that, Miss Yu’s eyes started to search the area under her feet.

Lord Ma: “What is Miss Yu looking for? There are no crispy noodle snacks in this excrement…”

“Says who?”

Saying that, Miss Yu picked up a lump of shit. “Look, this was a crispy noodle snack. No one else can see it, but I can tell right away. This is all filth to you, but in my eyes, they look like what they were before becoming shit.”

Lord Ma paled with shock. “…” What… what the hell kind of ability was this?!

Miss Yu then started to identify the other pieces of shit. “Look, that big lump was a spicy hot pot. And that fresh-looking one was a fruit salad! And, and, these are from Yang’s Braised Chicken Rice, Conqueror Macarons, a six-layered beef burger, steamed lamb, steamed bear’s paw, steamed reeds, roasted flower duck, roasted gosling, awesome pig, awesome duck, awesome chicken, dried pork, Songhua tripe…”

Lord Ma: “…”

…

Saturday, August 19th.

It was the sixth day after the official start of the summer break.

A very familiar patient had come to Immortal Toya’s Chrysanthemum Island.

It was none other than Li Diao…

After being forcefully fed a crispy noodle snack, when Wang Ling had enchanted a bacterium inside in passing, Li Diao had had diarrhea non-stop and his body was about to collapse. His son, Li Hao, had already been kicked out of school, and Li Diao had been tipped off that the directors of the school board planned to have them deported to Lixiu’s vampire control center.

Thus, Li Diao had taken Li Hao and fled Songhai that very night, doing whatever they could to get to Chrysanthemum Island.

When Immortal Toya saw Li Diao, the latter was exceptionally haggard. He no longer looked like a teenager, but an emaciated zombie.

On the side, brawny Li Hao fell to his knees with a plop. “Immortal! Please! Save my father! We’re desperate, and you’re our last hope!”

Immortal Toya initially didn’t want to have anything to do with this; after all, this was the person blacklisted by Ling Zhenren…

But doctors were humane – seeing how much suffering the diarrhea caused Li Diao, Immortal Toya didn’t have the heart to turn them away.

If he didn’t do anything, it was possible that Li Diao might die from diarrhea…

“Your father still has diarrhea?” Immortal Toya asked.

“He’s wearing an anal plug now, but it’s very uncomfortable,” Li Hao replied – Li Diao already could no longer speak, and Li Hao had had to carry him on his back even before they reached the island.

“I may not be able to cure your father, but I should be able to ease some of his pain.” Immortal Toya stared at Li Diao with a profound expression and sighed.

Li Hao bowed his head. “I’m very sorry… about the school incident…”

Immortal Toya gazed at Li Hao. “It seems that the two of you still don’t understand. The reason you and your father ended up like this wasn’t because of the school incident.”

After that, he wrote three letters in the air, then said, “Bring your father inside, then go and gain enlightenment.”

Li Hao stared at the three letters foolishly.

G… C… M?

What did this mean…