Chapter 477 - Pretend
"Because… ?" she prompted him and held his gaze, as she asked in a small voice.
"It's… it's for your sake." He pulled her close and kissed her head.
Vera looked down in disappointment as his words did nothing to soothe the pain that was still sharp in her heart and seemed to cause a lump to be lodged in her throat. And she knew that he knew it as well.
When she remained quiet, he groaned and ran his fingers through his hair as if he was suddenly exasperated again. "I'm a son of a monster, red…" he said. "I am certain that my child would inherit and then suffer the same fate as mine. I'm a monster and my child will be conceived and born as a monster too. That's why I swore to myself never to…" he paused, his eyes suddenly widening in disbelief. He was shocked at himself that he had said those words out aloud and even to her.
Vera could see the utter shock in his eyes. The pure disbelief that he had spilled those secret things kept only in his mind, to her. And it made her feel immensely better that she brightened up.
Reaching out, Vera embraced him ever so gently. "Don't worry…" she whispered in a soothing voice, a voice filled with promise. "Your secrets will be safe with me, Gideon. It will not even appear in my dreams. I'll bring them with me to my grave."
Gideon's body seemed to sag over, and he rested his head on her shoulder.
"But I just wanted to tell you that I will still want you, desire you… no matter what kind of monster you are. I'll want your child too…" she paused as he started trembling again, hugging her close to him tight. "… and because it will be part of you, it will never be something bad or evil."
"Stop…" his voice was so low, so pained. "Don't do this to me..."
Her hands caressed the back of his head in a very soothing motion. "I'm sorry…" she whispered. "I know I'm making everything even harder for you. Forgive me for wanting you, for loving you –"
"Enough!" he pressed his fingers against her lips as he gently bumped his forehead against hers. "Enough… I'm begging you…" Gideon's voice was trembling, and she swore that she could hear there were tears in his voice.
Vera's heart broke when she heard that. She never expected to hear those last three words he said.
She let out a shaky sigh and pulled away. But the next second, she planted a kiss on his forehead. And Gideon's world seemed to come to a screeching full-on halt he could only shut his eyes firmly closed. Why… why was fate doing this to him? Did the gods hate him so much that they loved toying with his life?
He placed his hand at the back of her head, running his fingers through her fiery hair in a relaxed and loving gesture. "Listen to me, red… and listen well." his whisper echoed in her ear. "Something big will be happening in the near future. There will be a massive war that could very well end everything as we know it. I am destined to be the sacrifice… the key in stopping this disaster from running its full course…"
A disbelieving smile curved on his lips as he trailed off while Vera gaped at him in shock. She could not quite register the things that he had just said to her.
"Now look what you're doing to me…" he laughed helplessly, tugging at her hair. Then he took a deep breath and looked into her eyes again, tucking the wayward strands of her hair behind her ears. "I am bound to be gone in the very near future, red… and that's why… that's why you can't… you can't be falling in love with me. Not now, not ever…" a sad smile adorned his lips.
Too late… she smiled back, her lips trembling now. But she did not say it out loud anymore as there was no point in doing so. Not that it would have changed anything if she had vocalised it. I had already fallen in love you since the very first time I saw you. She told him in her mind. She knew she could not tell him because she did not want him to struggle more than he already was. It was painful thinking of his fate. Of theirs. She could see it his eyes, his future was set. If she tried and forced him to change his mind now, something might happen. And she did not know why, but she felt terrified… that she might push him too hard that he might end up losing his mind. Maybe because she could see what a tormented creature he already was. There was no need for her to add on to his agony. He was already looking like he only needed a little more push, and he would fall into the pit of madness. It made her heart shake with horror at the thought of how madness did a number on her mother. An extreme fear swept over her.
So Vera just hugged him tightly, giving her all to at least soothe his battered soul even if she could not solve the problem to it. "I understand…" she told him. And they both fell silent for a long time. Just feeling each other. Until Vera pulled away and broke the silence. She had decided to act like everything was alright again. She wanted to do more things with him before this night ends. So she would continue to pretend that everything was fine. For his sake and also hers, she would pretend that he had not said what he did and she would act as though she and not heard it. If that was the only way to make both of them feel better, it was okay to pretend it was all fine now. Just for now. She was going to forget all the things she had heard and focus solely on him alone. Tonight, it was just going to be about him and her.
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