Chapter 79: Heart to Heart
He was the prestigious Yan Wang, commanding the Grand Council, but whenever he was jolted awake from the nightmare that Xiu Niang had branded into his bone marrow, the one whom he could trust in and yearn for, in the end, was only one Gu Yun.
A person’s weight was too heavy when pressed upon him, sometimes, he found that he was unable to carry it.
Master Liao Ran once said to him, “A person’s pain lies in the inability to let go. The more you hold onto, the fuller your hands will become, the harder it will be to walk on.” Chang Geng felt this sentiment deeply and admitted that the monk was right. But for him, even though Gu Yun was heavier than thousands of tons, he still could not put it down – because if he let this person go, his hands would be empty.
If a person lived on without any burden in their heart, would they not become a fraudulent flag to be blown by the wind?
Gu Yun raised his hand to his shoulder and tapped gently on the place of his shoulder and neck. Chang Geng was in pain, but he continue to watch him carefully, not avoiding.
Gu Yun asked: “Why would I make you walk in the sea of flame and a moutain of swords?”
“I wish one day the country will be prosperous, the people will have jobs to do, the whole world will be stable, and my general will not have to defend the frontier gates with his life. I want to be like Master Feng Han, fighting to untie the knot between imperial power and Ziliujin. I hope that all the machines running on the ground will be in the fields, that the flying Kites in the sky are filled with ordinary travelers who take their families home to visit their relatives… Everyone can live with dignity.” Chang Geng held his hand tightly, intertwining his five fingers with Gu Yun’s own, wrapped together intimately.
Gu Yun was puzzled. This was the first time Chang Geng confessed his inner thoughts to him, causing him to somewhat be unable to control his heart firing up.
It’s a pity that after thinking about it carefully, either way, it all sounded impossible.
“I can do it, Zi Xi, let me try.” Chang Geng whispered.
Since he already possessed the power of the ‘evil god’, couldn’t he try to tear through the bloodstained ways of the world, opening up a path never before seen for a mortal?
That year in Yanhui town, the teenager of thirteen or fourteen years old had once expressed his vision of not wanting to live a life wasted to the young general. Gu Yun, who was still frivolous at that time, threw a basin of cold water on his face and told him indifferently that ‘all heroes have no good end’.
Now, after several encounters in the desert of golden sand, having gone back and forth between the Palace and the Imperial Prison. General Gu himself had truly experienced what was called ‘heroes have no good end’, but he could not find the heart to say the same thing again to Chang Geng any more.
Using himself to measure others, if someone pointed to his nose and said to him, “Gu Yun, quickly roll back to the manor to retire. You are lucky to be able to live until now. Not withdrawing, you will sooner or later end up dead without a place to be buried.”
What would he think?
Nowadays, in this world, one foot was in cold water and one foot in the mud, the person stuck inside would inevitably have difficulty in walking among them. Walking for a long time, from inside to outside would become cold, there was only the heart that would bleed fiery spirit. Keeping on a path while knowing full well that it’s impossible was not easy. If someone else… especially close relatives, who would also pour cold water as a hindrance, wasn’t it too pitiful?
He kept silent for a long time. When Chang Geng was feeling some insensible tension, Gu Yun suddenly opened his mouth and said, “Had already kissed, already hugged, what else do you want me to say? Men talking too much will have no time to do other things, do you understand?”
Chang Geng was stunned, but Gu Yun already reached out a fingerpointed towardsat the half-dead steam lamp at the head of the bed, immediately turning it off. The day was not yet dawn, the room went dark. The bed curtain, which was usually hung up, fell down as if it could cover the sky and earth, blown slightly by the cool morning wind penetrating through a window.
Chang Geng was not able to respond but his waist was already loosened, not knowing when his belt was pulled away. Before he could recover from the oath of ‘sea of flame and mountain of swords’, his face instantly blushed red.
“Zi, Zi Xi…”
Gu Yun casually made a sound in response, impatiently throwing the silk cloth off his hand, idly leaning on the soft pile of blanket, his fingertips caressing across the hem of Chang Geng’s clothing: “That time at the hot spring, you said you think of doing certain things that was out of the norm with me…what was it that you think of?”
Chang Geng: “…”
“Aren’t you very good at talking?” Gu Yun said with a low laugh, “Let’s hear it.”
Chang Geng had never seen this kind of flirting that was a teasing at the same time, his tongue tied in a knotted: “I… I… ”
“On this matter, you can’t just simply think about it.” Gu Yun caressed Chang Geng’s waist through a layer of his clothes, touching at the root of his thighs not too hard yet not too light. Chang Geng almost jumped up, unable to breathe, grabbing Gu Yun’s vile hand running rampant everywhere, a fire burning from his stomach to his throat. He felt that he was going to burn into ashes.
Gu Yun had pushed open the hem of his clothing.
When his chest felt cold, Chang Geng suddenly realized it. He pressed Gu Yun’s hand back, but it was too late. Large and small scars under his chest and neck were suddenly uncovered. When touched by the callused fingers, there was no need to mention how it would feel. On one hand, Chang Geng could not help but avoiding it, on the other hand, his mouth was dry and his ears were buzzing, wondering whether he should advance or retreat.
Gu Yun had been traveling for days, then waited for the entire night at the bedside. The last bit of effectiveness of the medicine unfortunately worn off at this moment, his vision became blurred. However, the atmosphere was great, and he could not put on the liuli glass. Wearing it was just like a Mechanic preparing to take apart the steel armor, destroying the mood.
At this time, he relied solely on the touch of his hands and skimmed over the bumpy scars on Chang Geng’s body. It was more painful than seeing them with his own eyes.
Gu Yun: “Did it hurt?”
Chang Geng lowered his head and looked at him deeply. He answered the wrong question, “They are already scarring for a long time.”
Gu Yun’s heart was filled with all kinds of emotions for a moment, even the surging desire subsided. He narrowed his gradually blurred eyes and rubbed his fingers carefully on the scars. Chang Geng truly could not bear it. He sobbed softly and clasped Gu Yun’s wrist.
“Don’t be afraid,” Gu Yun coaxed, “Let me love you.”
If this half-blind could see Chang Geng’s expression, he would probably not say the words ‘don’t be afraid’.
Chang Geng bent down to kiss him. Gu Yun was kissed until fire was surging, wanting to turn over and take this man on the spot. Suddenly, not knowing what was wrong with Chang Geng, he blurted out: “Yifu…”
Gu Yun: “…”
This sentence from Chang Geng cause him to instantly softened. No matter how great his passion or desire was, they were rolled up into a ball and forced into an iron cage.
Gu Yun took several breaths and wanted to shout at Chang Geng, “What are you calling in this occasion?” But in retrospect, the other was not wrong either.
He heard that some men like this kind of taboo feeling of reciting virtue in private, most willing to let their lovers call them this and that in bed. Unfortunately, Gu Yun had no such hobby and could not understand it completely. During this year and a half, he finally got used to Chang Geng directly calling him by name and gradually stopped looking at him as a son. Who knew that at a crucial moment, suddenly encountering the word ‘yifu’, he truly bumped into it until his head was dizzy.
Chang Geng seemed unaware of his discomfort and could not restrain himself from calling him a few more times, kissing him without any proper order. There was a hint of respect inside intimacy, making this old hooligan feel like sitting on needles, together with the title of ‘yifu’, it had a great effect.
Gu Yun seemed to had ants crawling up and down all over. Finally, he could not bear it any longer and tilted his head to the side. “Don’t call that.”
Chang Geng stopped and stared at him quietly for a moment. Suddenly, he dropped close to his ear and said, “Yifu, if you can’t see clearly, close your eyes, alright?”
Gu Yun could hear this even if he was any more deaf, let alone he had not yet gone completely deaf: “… How energetic are you?”
Chang Geng’s eyes shone brightly inside the dark curtain of the bed. He disobediently pressed his voice low and gentle, saying in his ear in the tone of acting spoiled: “Yifu, you said at that time,’even after arriving in the capital, you will still protect me’. Does yifu remember?”
Gu Yun’s face changed several times. He could not resist Chang Geng’s new tactics of using him as the entertainment. He had to plan a strategic retreat and pushed him away. Gu Yun said, “Alright, don’t be shameless. Do what you were supposed to…Ah!”
“What am I supposed to do?” Chang Geng pressed him back again with the help of his previous posture. His hand had reached behind Gu Yun’s back. When fixing someone’s bones at Jiayu Gate, he had already touched it all. At this time, he suddenly acted with the stable precision of a doctor. Gu Yun trembled violently. Instinctively, he wanted to curl up, but several of his acupoints was pressed by Chang Geng. Half of his body was tingling, only now did Chang Geng did casually say the second half of the sentence, “Didn’t yifu just ask a sick leave for me, wanting to love me and dote on me?”
Gu Yun: “…Bastard!”
Chang Geng turned a deaf ear, stretched out and approached closer, determinedly using the evasive position to open Gu Yun’s legs apart with his knee. Gu Yun felt goosebumps all over, pushing Chang Geng’s shoulder away with his palm. He grabbed the hand that was touching him and locked his arm behind his back.
Chang Geng did not resist either, his body as soft as cotton, letting Gu Yun bend him however he please. He lifted his head slightly, revealing his weak neck, speaking in the tone of acting spoiled: “Yifu, do you want me?”
Gu Yun continued to hesitate, in the end, he was not able to overcome the emotional wall inside. His hands loosened, letting Chang Geng break free like a fish, coming closer once more.
Chang Geng hugged him, caressing lower along his spine, whispering in his ears: “Then let me serve yifu, alright?”
Gu Yun: “…”
He found himself in a disadvantageous situation this year, continuously having his boat overturned in a pond.
In a twinkling of an eye, the sky was bright and the sun was hanging high.
The brilliant early summer ray of light penetrated through the bed curtain, Chang Geng’s eyes were brighter than the sunshine. He really understood what was ‘delusional after many years, momentarily turning mad’. Nightmares were more terrible than reality, but reality was much crazier than a spring dream.
But after this madness, he did not feel empty at all. He was very stable. He had never been this stable in his life. His hands wandered on Gu Yun endlessly, continuing to call for Gu Yun in his ear. He could also feel that he was being annoying, but he just could not control himself and stop.
Sometimes he called ‘yifu’, sometimes ‘Zi Xi’, drilling into his ear, making the deaf man whose medicine had worn off forced to listen. Gu Yun also felt the endless heat around his ear. Just now he had missed the opportunity, being tossed about by this kid. At the moment, he was both sleepy and tired yet the other did not even let him sleep. There was no room to talk about right or wrong, He brushed him off unhappily: “Don’t make a ruckus!”
Chang Geng caught a glance at his tired face, obediently closing his mouth and gently pressing his waist. His strength was just right, not only relieving the exhaustion but also not touching Gu Yun’s magical ticklish flesh.
Gu Yun: “…”
Turned out he had always been deliberate!
Did that woman surname Chen taught him how to cure illness or heretical arts!
Gu Yun was just about to combust when suddenly, Chang Geng frowned. He gently pressed his palm on the area of Gu Yun’s chest and abdominal bones, then checked his pulse at the wrist.
Gu Yun said angrily, “Did you not see enough…”
Chang Geng: “When did you get these new injuries?”
Gu Yun: “…”
Oh no, it seemed that aside from heretical arts, surname Chen had also taught him true knowledge, he could even feel this one out!
In the time of crisis, Gu Yun had to use the trick ‘I am deaf, I can’t hear anything’, turning over innocently with his back to Chang Geng, indicating that he had fallen asleep, other people could kneel aside.
Chang Geng checked him from top to bottom, but after all, the scary wound had passed for some time. First of all, Chang Geng’s medical skill was not as godly as Chen Qing Xu’s. Second, Gu Yun’s wound had been healed for seven to eighty percent. Unable to find any abnormality, thus they both continued to fool the other.
His Royal Highness took his sick leave all day. The Grand Council with a number of important ministers sent their men and regards. All of them were sent off by Huo Dan. As someone from the military, the commander’s words were absolute. He ordered that no one must disturb, thus he did not dare to let anyone come disturb. He silently stood at the door serving as a gate god. At the same time, he was still puzzled about how the Marshal came in. With nothing to do, he reinforced the lacking Marquis’s manor guards.
Gu Yun rushed back two days earlier as if he was going to be reborn, staying awake for the entire night. After many troubles, he finally managed to eat some meat, but the position was completely wrong, almost choking him to death. Too exhausted, he slept until the afternoon. After waking up, both his body and mind still felt very strange, he did not know who was the one on sick leave here.
He was about to get angry, but feeling that getting angry over something so trivial was too small hearted, he had to hold back and think to himself, “Next time, I must sew his mouth shut.”
Gu Yun fumbled around for his liuli glass, but he did not know where the little thing had disappear to. Not able to find it even after searching for a while, he was suddenly being held by a warm hand.
Chang Geng leaned over his ear and said, “General Shen and the others haven’t arrived yet. You don’t have to go out today. Don’t use the medicine, okay? Let me take care of you.”
Gu Yun did not use it much either way, it did not matter much, he nodded: “No need for taking care, I’m used to it. I can’t find my glasses. Go and get me a new one.”
Chang Geng hugged him and said, “It was me who took the liuli glass.”
The relationship between the two seemed to have undergone an indescribable and subtle change.
In fact, since childhood, when they were just father and son, the relationship between them was already very close, and until Chang Geng’s inner desire was released, Gu Yun first softened down and compromised, and even fell deeply into it. His family letters and war reports always went hand in hand together, and his affection could not be said to be shallow…
However, it was not the same with the fierce ecstasy of this moment, it seemed that even if the outside enemy surrounded the capital once more, it could all be forgotten, heaven and earth had disappeared, no longer caring about anything else.
Gu Yun asked in bewilderment, “What are you taking my liuli glass for?”
Chang Geng laughed and said, “I like it.”
Afterwards, he helped Gu Yun dress and carefully bent down to put on his shoes for him, it was all very dedicated and caring.
His Royal Highness all day wearing plain robes, saying no to desire, resembling a monk, those who did not know would think how upright he is. However, after this battle, Gu Yun was able to experience it. Under this person’s civilized appearance was a mountain of desire that normal people could not understand.
Liked what? Liked him being blind?
Chang Geng did not speak very loudly. In order to let Gu Yun hear, he always whispered to his ear. Such sentences as ‘Be careful about the threshold’ and so on would feel intimate. As he walked to the door, Gu half-blind instinctively reached for the door frame, but was intercepted gently by his hand. Chang Geng casually said, “Don’t touch anything else, just hold on to me.”
This unprecedented sense of complete control had made Chang Geng crazy, he was unwilling to let go for even a moment. After a couple of sentences, he would come closer asking for a kiss. After only a short moment, it had already caused Gu Yun to feel goosebumps all over.
Even if Gu Yun were to be beaten to death, he couldn’t understand — someone who was originally so alienated and restrained, even avoided looking out of politeness while changing his clothes, how on earth did he become this crazy after only spending one time in bed?
Gu Yun: “Even if I can’t see, I am not disabled. You don’t have to hold me all the time. Aren’t you busy all day long?
Chang Geng: “Then come with me to my study.”
After Gu Yun left, his study was basically Chang Geng’s territory. Gu Yun, who had been floating around the border for many years, was somewhat unfamiliar. Chang Geng supported him and sat down. The sunshine hit the face of the people in the study from a very familiar angle. Gu Yun suddenly felt something and stretched out his foot. As a result, he met a small bench under the table: “This thing is still there.”
Chang Geng bent over and picked up the stool. He saw a few vivid little turtles painted on the wooden stool, biting each other’s tails and forming a circle. The childish handwriting beside it was engraved with the words ‘Although the tortoise lives long*, if our forces are ten to the enemy’s one, surround him’**.
*A line from a song of Cao Cao. ** A line from Art of War
… It didn’t even make sense.
Chang Geng smiled for a long time, took Gu Yun’s hand and pressed it on the mark, he asked, “Did you carve this?”
“Don’t laugh, I did not have many days where I seriously read books when I was a child,” Gu Yun looked up slightly. “Books were all read in the palace with the Emperor and Wei Wang. The Old Marquis’s own education was very ordinary, he was only a bit more diligent with military books. He found an old horrifying Confucian teacher here to read for me, he would doze off after a moment, I could only find entertainment for himself – well, you could go do your things, I haven’t been home for a long time, let me walk around for a bit.”
“No,” Chang Geng said hurriedly, “I like to hear you tell the story, and afterwards?”
Gu Yun was a bit hesitant. It was not any grand achievement, but Chang Geng seldom enjoyed himself like this. Gu Yun paused for a moment, then finally decided to bring out this embarrassing deed to entertain him, “I was very troublesome at that time, even the teacher was afraid of me from all the tricks I pulled to torment him. He dared not scold me face to face but ran back to tell the old man about it. Besides beating people, the old Marquis punished me to take a stance on the stool, falling off with only a slight tremble. He did not appear like a goddamn blood-connected father no matter how you look at it. Later, I thought that old man goatee kept running to tell on me day after day was simply too annoying. I had come up with a scheme with Shen Ji Ping, we stole some laxatives and poured it into the teacher’s tea.”
“Laxative is nothing, but we are both young, not knowing the proper measure. Teacher is already old and frail, almost dying from it. Throughout two hundred years, the Gu family has not had a house wrecking and crazy child like this, the old Marquis was enraged, wanting to beat me to death, fortunately the Princess stopped him.
“Well, my mother later admitted that she too want to hit me at that time, but it was difficult for her to give birth due to her cold body. She was afraid that after killing me, there will be no one left for the Gu family.”
Chang Geng imagined that if he had such a disobedient child, he would have to beat it to death. However, as he immediately remembered that the unfortunate child was Gu Yun, he thought that if he were to be the old Marquis, even if Gu Yun’s trickery cost someone’s life, he would have to go pay for their life in person and would never have the heart to touch even one of his hair.
He could not help laughing for a long time then asked, “What happened next?”
Gu Yun slightly paused, the smile on his face could not be maintained, he looked slightly restrained. After being silent for a moment, he then said: “Later, they both felt that I would become lawless if it were to go on like this, so they simply took me to the Black Iron Camp in the Northern Frontier.”
And his childhood of being despised by both cats and dogs came to an abrupt end.