Chapter 22 No Medicine Can Cure a Retard!
Chapter 22 No Medicine Can Cure a Retard!
The third-year finance students didn't have any classes this morning, so after they had their fun chasing each other around in the university corridors, Feng Na and Cheng Cheng entered an unoccupied lecture hall to do some self-studying.
Not that Feng Na could actually study, since her mind kept going back to that mortifying conversation she'd had with Li Yundong earlier today. The more she thought about it, the more pissed off she was, and the redder her face became.
At one point, she couldn't take the anger and embarrassment anymore, so she buried her face against the pile of books on her desk, then released a long groan of frustration.
"God! I'm so embarrassed I wanna die! How am I ever gonna show my face around here after today!"
Moments later, a guy took the seat beside Feng Na. This was no ordinary guy. With arms as thick as tree trunks and a burly physique, this guy could totally give The Rock a run for his money. The fawning look on his face at that moment was a far cry from badass though. In fact, he looked like one of those flunkies hoping to score a fat check from a politician.
"What's wrong, Nana?" he asked smilingly.
Feng Na raised her head from her books, then rolled her eyes when she saw the annoying guy whose favorite pastime seemed to be pestering-poor-Feng-Na-until-she-drops-dead-out-of-frustration.
"Go. Away. Zhou Yu," Feng Na growled. "Can't you see that I'm in a bad mood? I don't want to see your face!"
Zhou Yu flinched, surprised at her harsh tone. Displeasure flickered in his eyes, though he didn't lose his smile.
"Who pissed you off, Nana?" he asked. "Tell me now, and I'll beat them up for you!"
Feng Na waved him off grumpily.
"Scram!" she yelled. "Can't I just be having PMS? Geez. Now go away and leave me alone!" Feng Na pointed at the door, glaring at Zhou Yu.
When Zhou Yu didn't move, Feng Na retracted her hand and said, "You won’t leave? Fine! I'll leave!"
She stood up and packed her stuff noisily, then bolted out of the room with a dexterity that couldn't possibly be attained by women on their period.
"Holy shit... Did she wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?" Zhou Yu whispered, stunned by Feng Na's outburst.
Then, he turned towards Cheng Cheng.
"What happened?"
Cheng Cheng chuckled, then stopped all of a sudden when an idea struck her. She looked at Zhou Yu, her eyes glinting deviously.
"Take a guess," Cheng Cheng said, raising her hand to make a money gesture at Zhou Yu.
Zhou Yu chuckled and said, "God, what would I do without you. Now. Tell me what happened to Nana."
Cheng Cheng poked Zhou Yu's arm a few times.
"Two VIP tickets to the Golden Years!"
The look on Zhou Yu's face was as though someone had just emptied out half of his bank account.
When Cheng Cheng noticed Zhou Yu's reluctance, she stood up and began packing her stuff.
Zhou Yu reached out and pulled her back down.
"Fine, fine," he said. "Two tickets, you said? No problem! Now talk!"
When Cheng Cheng told Zhou Yu about the "bullying" that Feng Na had suffered at the hands of Li Yundong, Zhou Yu leaped a good three feet into the air, then charged out with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
Outside the lecture hall, Feng Na was waiting for Cheng Cheng to come out so they could leave together. When her bestie finally came out, Feng Na glared at her.
"What did you tell Zhou Yu? Why did he charge out of here like a mad bull?"
Cheng Cheng smirked. "What do you think I told him?"
Feng Na thought for a moment, then gasped. "You... You told him about what happened with Li Yundong?"
Cheng Cheng snapped her finger. "Bingo!" she said gleefully. "Guess what we got out of it?" Cheng Cheng struck a victory pose. "Two! Two VIP tickets to Golden Years!"
Feng Na's jaw dropped open, aghast at Cheng Cheng's actions.
"Are you out of your mind?" Feng Na hissed. "Zhou Yu is a practitioner of the Iron Wire Fist! He's just as good as Zhao Yujian. My God, what have you done..."
"My, my, look at you, worrying that lover boy would lose to Zhou Yu," Cheng Cheng said, then snorted. "Please. You remember what Li Yundong did to Zhao Yujian, right? He nearly crippled the guy, that's what."
Incensed, Feng Na reached out and squashed Cheng Cheng's boob.
"What did you say? Lover boy?!" Feng Na hissed. "You have a death wish, bitch! Let me grant you your wish! And I'm gonna start by squeezing your boobs until they burst!"
Cheng Cheng backed away, laughing merrily.
"Fine, fine," Cheng Cheng said. A teasing glint formed in her eyes again. "Ooh. I see what this is about." Cheng Cheng pointed at Feng Na. "You're worried about Zhou Yu! Tsk, tsk! Boy, look at you! Usually you're so cold to him, but you're secretly holding a massive torch for him!"
Feng Na burst into laughter.
"You slutty bitch!" Feng Na said in a half-accusatory tone. "I don't give a damn about either of them! They could both die together for all I care." Feng Na paused in thought. "You know what? I wish they both end up killing each other. That way, I won't have to deal with either of them again."
That comment reduced the two girls to guffaws, which lasted for minutes. When they were done laughing, Cheng Cheng straightened herself and patted her chest. "I suggest you worry more about yourself, Nana," Cheng Cheng said, sounding slightly out of breath. "You're the student council member in charge of Arts and Literature, right? How are you planning to replace Zhao Yujian?"
Feng Na's mood turned sour almost instantly.
"Yeah, I know..." she said with a long face. "Damn, what am I gonna do..."
"Ooh! I got it!" Cheng Cheng said, clapping her hands together. "There's this girl in the second year, Zhou Qin. She's also the prettiest student in our university, not to mention her powerful family background. If I'm not mistaken, Li Yundong tried to confess to her before. Why don't you ask her for help? Li Yundong might change his mind if Zhou Qin pleaded with him."
Feng Na gave Cheng Cheng a huge eye roll.
"What kind of silly idea is that?" Feng Na said, then snorted. "You think some inexperienced chick can do my job for me? Please."
Cheng Cheng snickered. "Look at you, acting like some wise matriarch when you're just a year older than her."
Feng Na gasped and poked Cheng Cheng hard.
"You wanna die, bitch? How dare you pull the rug out from under my feet!" Feng Na raised her chin defiantly. "I won't ask for her help, and that's final!"
"Okay, okay. I'll shut up now," Cheng Cheng said, raising her palms in surrender. A second later, she added, "Look, if you're not gonna ask Zhou Qin for help, then fine. But what if Li Yundong and Zhou Yu got into a brawl and... one of them got hurt?"
Feng Na froze, her face going pale in an instant. "Yeah, you're right," Feng Na said, already starting to move away. "Let's go check on them!"
Li Yundong decided to skip the rest of his lecture. He wouldn't step into that lecture hall again even if his skin was as thick as the Great Wall of China. Well, at least for today. However, he didn't know where else to go, so he decided to loiter around on campus with Su Chan, and maybe finish that tour they didn't manage to complete last time.
Li Yundong spent almost the entirety of their stroll ruminating on his current predicaments. One in particular was a huge burr up his ass — Director Qian's intent to expel him.
Eventually, their aimless stroll brought them to the campus gates. Li Yundong had only just stepped out of campus when he heard a loud voice: "Li Yundong! There you are, you son of a bitch!"
Zhou Yu had been running around the campus earlier to track down Li Yundong. Finding out Li Yundong's class and department was the first thing he did. But when Zhou Yu went to the lecture hall, he didn't see Li Yundong there, so he left to look elsewhere.
The fact that Li Yundong was somewhat of a legendary character in the university made it easier for Zhou Yu to find him; a lot of students knew the guy, and what he looked like. But, of course, the pretty chick who'd been following the guy around was also part of the reason so many students knew him. After dishing out lots of "which way did he go" and receiving helpful directions from students, Zhou Yu managed to find Li Yundong at the campus gates.
***
"Li Yundong! There you are, you son of a bitch!" Zhou Yu's voice caused Li Yundong to freeze on the spot. Turning around, he saw a burly, six-foot-tall guy with thick arms storming over towards him. Do I know this guy? Li Yundong thought, squinting slightly to see the guy's face. Not that he had to see the guy's face to smell trouble. The guy's outstretched, clawlike hand was a dead giveaway, not to mention the fact that he was swiping down at Li Yundong's shoulder.
Oh shit...
Li Yundong retreated hastily, but it was already too late since the guy was moving too fast, so Li Yundong raised his arms to protect himself.
SMACK!
Huh? The blow Li Yundong had been anticipating never came. He lowered his arms and saw Su Chan holding down the guy's hand.
"What do you think you're doing!" Su Chan bellowed, staring angrily at Zhou Yu. Su Chan's sharp eyes had allowed her to detect the threat from a mile away. When Zhou Yu tried to grab Li Yundong's shoulder, she quickly stepped in and slapped Zhou Yu's hand away, then held it down with her strength.
Zhou Yu's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he realized that his attack had been stopped by a girl. A girl!
Zhou Yu ignored Su Chan and turned his attention back to Li Yundong.
"Hey! What did you do to Feng Na today?"
"Feng Na?"
Honestly, at this point, the mere mention of that name made Li Yundong want to kill himself.
Li Yundong groaned loudly and said, "Would you believe me if I told you that I didn't do anything to her?"
Zhou Yu noticed the way Su Chan was clinging tightly to Li Yundong's arm. Guy's probably a Fu'er Dai who tosses his money around to trick little girls! he thought. How dare you mess with Feng Na when you're with a girl this beautiful! I'm gonna f*ck you up real bad today, you son of a bitch! (T/N: Fu'er Dai is a Chinese term for nouveau riche; it is pronounced as Foo-Err-Die; I will add this into the novel's glossary)
"You didn't do anything?" Zhou Yu said, then released a cold sneer.
"Then why was she so pissed off the last time I saw her!"
Li Yundong rolled his eyes.
"Look, pal. She's the idiot who said a bunch of idiotic things," Li Yundong said. "Can you blame me for the things she said?"
Li Yundong's dismissive tone angered Zhou Yu further.
"You!" Zhou Yu said, shaking his finger at Li Yundong. "You bastard! You did a girl wrong, yet you blame it all on her? Are you even a man!" Zhou Yu spread his arms out wide. "Come on, then! Get over here if you have the balls! Let's go a few rounds, man to man!"
Li Yundong threw his head back and guffawed like there was no tomorrow. For nearly a minute, he kept laughing and laughing with both of his hands on his stomach. A moment later, when he saw that Zhou Yu looked as though steam was going to blow out of his ears, Li Yundong forced himself to stop laughing. Then, he cleared his throat and looked Zhou Yu right in the eye. "Look, buddy," Li Yundong said, trying his best not to laugh. "Let me give you some free advice. Walk straight from here for 50 meters, then make a right turn. After that, walk for another 100 meters until you reach the bus stop. From there, take the 5-3-3 bus and get off at the hospital, then make an appointment with a psychiatrist. You need to have your head examined."
Zhou Yu balled his fists. "What did you say?!" he yelled, cocking his fist back.
Li Yundong jumped slightly when he saw the swift and powerful haymaker coming right at his face. But, before he could do anything, Su Chan was already in front of him, slapping the punch aside.
"What the—" Zhou Yu flinched back in shock.
She stopped me twice already...
All of a sudden, Zhou Yu stood up straighter and studied Su Chan with vigilant eyes. This chick is definitely trained in combat. I gotta be more careful...
Then, when Zhou Yu noticed the stinging pain in his arm where the girl had smacked it away just now, another horrifying thought crossed his mind: this chick might even be better in combat than he was!
Zhou Yu knew it was a bad idea to take on Su Chan, so he switched tactics.
He jabbed a finger at Li Yundong and said, "Hah! You're not even man enough to fight me! All you're doing is hiding behind a woman!"
Su Chan could no longer tolerate Zhou Yu's insults.
"That's rubbish! As if Yundong would be afraid of the likes of you! Even I could take on ten of you let alone Yundong."
Zhou Yu's brows shot to his hairline.
"What did you just say?" he growled.
Su Chan stuck out her tongue tauntingly. "I said I could take on ten of you and still kick your asses!"
"Shut up!" Zhou Yu yelled.
"You shut up first!" Su Chan retaliated.
"SHUT UP!!!" Li Yundong was now glaring at Su Chan. "Haven't you caused me enough trouble?"
Su Chan jumped at Li Yundong's voice, then went from being a fierce tigress to a frightened kitten. She lowered her head and hid behind Li Yundong.
Li Yundong looked back at Zhou Yu. "You know there's a phrase in the Compendium of Materia Medica that describes someone like you perfectly."
"What phrase?"
Li Yundong chuckled darkly. "No medicine can cure a retard."
Su Chan instantly burst into laughter.
Zhou Yu was just about to take another swing at Li Yundong when he heard a yelling voice. Correction: yelling voices.
Zhou Yu turned his head and, sure enough, saw a frigging army of gangsters charging towards them. Some of the gangsters were reaching for some kind of object hanging on their waists. When those objects were pulled out, Zhou Yu realized that they were either metal pipes or spanners.
"You little shit! I'm going to f*cking kill you today!" one of the gangsters yelled.
Li Yundong knew damn well who these f*ckers were: Xie Fei, Er Lu, and their gang.
When the gangsters were about fifty feet away, Zhou Yu knew it was time for him to haul ass out of there. Sure, he had his Kung Fu and all that, but to take on an entire army with pipes? No thanks. Besides, these goons clearly weren't after him; they were after Li Yundong!
Zhou Yu quickly leaped aside, putting as much distance as he could between himself and Li Yundong. Then, he gave Li Yundong a gloating look.
"Hey, f*cker! Hurry up and run to your mama," he taunted. "I won't laugh at you!"
Zhou Yu's taunt was like a spark that kindled the fire inside Li Yundong.
Li Yundong clenched his teeth and turned around to face gangsters. This time, he had no plans to run.
Once again, he remembered all the extraordinary feats he'd performed: Generating nearly 1500 pounds of punching power; sending Zeng Qing into the air with a kick; shattering Zhao Yujian's bones with his bare hand; and that powerful sensation he experienced in his living room last night.
Li Yundong's blood started to boil, hurtling through his veins with the ferocity of a wild beast. Gallons of energized blood gushed into his thigh muscles, moving down towards his calves, then his toes. At that moment, Li Yundong knew something for a fact — he was powerful. Then, three things happened simultaneously: his pupils constricted; millions of neurons fired in his legs, causing all the muscle fibers in his legs to contract; his body rose into the air.
In the air, his legs moved in tandem, with the left leg extending fully until it was completely vertical and the right cleaving downwards like a battle axe. It was a classic move, a move found in every Chinese fighting systems — the tornado kick!