My Pick Up Artist System

Ben was giving a police report. "Yea, that guy was courting death…I mean who answers a phone in a place where a truck could drive through the wall at any moment…I'm sure he's been building bad karma his whole life with all manner of evil acts: threatening people, stealing their bathroom sluts...He's probably kicked a dog…Hey, why aren't you writing this down?"

The policeman squinted at him. "I was asking you about the drunk driver…"

"Oh, him. I'm not sure. I guess he did it for a good cause…So that big dude. Is he going to live?"

"...Yea, he'll be in the hospital a while, but looks like he'll live. Wall took the brunt of it."

Ben nodded. 'No reincarnation then. Too bad for him but Truck-kun also has off-days...This must also be a part of his bad luck--having to continue as a small-time antagonist...'

Pink Floyd music played in the back of Ben's mind. 'All in all you're just a...nother face to be slapped...'

Out of the blue, Ben remembered something important. 'Wait...I almost forgot. I have to find out if he lost his cultivation....maybe his qi center was broken!'

Ben glanced at the cop. "Was it mashed up?"

"Huh?"

"His meat and potatoes…did they get turned into puree or what?"

…

"Because he's got this beautiful girlfriend and it'd be a pity if she also became a victim of this tragedy...She should hear the news from me in case she needs a shoulder to cry on. It would be best If I could take a few photos..." Ben was already lobbying for a role in Lia's biopic--the low key but necessary stunt-c*ck.

...

The officer didn't answer, only staring at Ben like he was a pervert…He tried hard to remember if he'd seen that face on the wanted list at the station, but came up with nothing. "All right, that's enough. I've got everything I need." He waved Ben off.

...

"How was it?" Antonio asked Ben when he finished the police interview. He'd been waiting on the curb outside the bar.

"The state of the sausage is in doubt..."

Antonio nodded in understanding. As the two were talking, the huge guy was stretchered into an ambulance.

Ben eyed him like an eagle, scrutinizing every detail. When the stretcher reached the ambulance, it jostled as the paramedics lifted it up, causing the man to show a miserable, pained expression.

Ben narrowed his eyes. 'I know that face...that's the face of the d*ckless! Welcome to the wonderful world of wastes...'

An evil smile formed on Ben's face. 'You better hope your story has a weak to strong tag...otherwise, don't waste my time. Hurry up and send out your ancestor so I can give him a smack...'

Soon, they loaded Lia's boyfriend into the ambulance and it took off. Ben turned to Antonio. "He went full Reek..."

Antonio raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Looks like the Gayjoys are still without an heir..."

With Reek gone, Ben started going over the incident in his head. 'So that was 'Very bad luck?'' He shook his head. 'What Bad Luck Musk? That was an execution musk!" Now he understood why the system rated it as rare. Despite feeling the pain of losing such an expensive item, Ben was in fine spirits because he received another achievement.

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Crime of passion(rare) - Attempt to murder a man over a woman]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 1000]

Ben gulped when he read the description. 'If the policeman ever saw this...' He sweated. 'If anyone tried to murder him, it was you! You need to change the text from very bad luck to eating a truck! ...In any case, it wasn't murder. At most, it would be manslaughter…and he didn't die. He'll continue living in the mortal realm as a walking cliche...'

As Ben stared at the system screen, he cursed the injustice. 'Don't make me out as the villain!' If Ben knew that truck would be the result, he would've never used the perfume on that guy. Ben wasn't a madman!

He would've used it on someone he really disliked!

After such an unexpected event, Ben couldn't avoid considering an insane possibility. 'I have a system and even summoned truck-kun...' His eyes narrowed. 'Is it possible...I'm an MC?' He gulped. 'But if that was true...why aren't beauties and money falling into my lap? ...Hmmm. I don't know, but just in case, I'll keep my eyes open...'

"Hey, check it out." Antonio tapped Ben and pointed at something.

When Ben saw it, he gasped.

Those three drunk beauties from before were still here, outside the bar. After the truck's grand entrance, things became chaotic, with management and people shuffling all over the place. Ben and Antonio lost sight of the drunk women and the police arrived only a minute later.

Ben's eyes shined. "The wolf pack left their meal uneaten."

He and Antonio exchanged glances. They had the same idea. "Scavenge!"

***

"Cindy, it'll be okay hun." One girl vomited on the sidewalk under a tree. The other two were holding her hair and helping her.

All of a sudden, a voice emerged near them. "Hey babe, should we resume this Romeo and Juliet story?" Ben addressed the blonde who offered him the bathroom romance.

She squinted at Ben, as if trying to recall who he was, then frowned. "F*ck off, creep!"

Ben's jaw dropped. 'Wasn't this change too sudden?' Then he looked at her status screen.

[Target's current attraction level: disinclined]

[Target's current comfort level: stranger]

'No!' Ben's face fell. 'We could've been so happy together!'

The drunk status had worn off. It was a Shakespearean tragedy!

…

He returned to Antonio with hobbled steps. "Antonio, do you think I'll ever feel that way about a woman again?"

"What way?"

"The way you feel when a woman asks you do her in a toilet."

...

Antonio sighed. He patted Ben's back and showed a hopeful smile. "Yea bud. It's gonna hurt a while, but after the pain, you'll find the right one…your destined bathroom Betty."

...

"Yea…you're right." Ben knew Antonio was correct. It was basic toilet theory…The first step to recovery was acceptance, so he focused on the future.

"What happened anyway?" Antonio asked.

"They weren't drunk anymore."

Antonio shook his head and looked up at the sky. "The brightest stars burn out the fastest…Sometimes you blink, and the moment is gone…"

"Yea…" Ben looked at the time. "If you're done with the emoetry…let's go. I need to sell some baby batter before it expires."