Chapter 126 - Caught Between Two
Chapter 126 Caught Between Two
Translator: MintCatnip | Editor: AtlasStudios /Atlas Studios
The dining room had adopted the European minimalist style of decoration, it was light, elegant but not monotonous. Xiang Wan had cleaned up the dining table and tableware nicely. The few homemade dishes on the table had a seductive hue to the stomach. It was homely and warm.
After Bai Muchuan placed the soup on the dining table, he paused for a while.
This was because besides a plate of cut fruits on the table, there was also a couple of Chinese roses on a vase…
He turned to look at Xiang Wan.
Xiang Wan felt a little bashful, her fingers running through her hair awkwardly.
“The flowers are from your courtyard, I took some of them to decorate your dining room.”
Bai Muchuan smiled and sat down.
Xiang Wan cleared her throat. “Quick, try it. How’s the taste?”
That eager look of hers made Bai Muchuan delighted. The corners of his lips turned upward as he took his chopsticks to try out a dish.
The taste of food was often related to people’s mood. It was a simple home-cooked meal, but because they were prepared by her, when he ate them, he actually felt warmth…
He ate like a gentleman without much emotion, his eyes were as if in thought but would occasionally give her a glance without saying a word. And that made Xiang Wan felt uneasy.
“It’s not nice?” She could not resist finding out.
“Mm?” Bai Muchuan tried hard to suppress his laughter, he nodded solemnly. “It’s alright.”
What did he mean by “alright”?
Xiang Wan pursed her lips. “It’s not to your taste?”
Bai Muchuan: “It’s okay.”
Wasn’t such a comment too simple? These few dishes might have seemed simple, but Xiang Wan had put in a lot of effort to the taste. She was worried that she might not prepare them correctly and had looked up Baidu for reference. Earlier on at the kitchen, she had also secretly tasted them and felt that the taste was quite good.
However, this young master…
Could have tasted too many delicacies that only exquisite food could impress him?
She was somewhat discouraged. “If it’s not to your taste, don’t force yourself. We can always order a takeout.”
An amused smile appeared in Bai Muchuan’s eyes, he slowly raised an eyebrow. “When did I say it’s not nice?”
Xiang Wan stared blankly at him for a moment.
He didn’t say it wasn’t good, just that his expression wasn’t what she had expected.
However, didn’t most people eat their meals like this?
Well, she was expecting more, so she was too concerned about his feelings…
That thought made Xiang Wan’s ears a little too warm. “I must have mistaken then. Your expression seemed like the food was not to your taste as you seem to eat them with difficulty…”
The smile in Bai Muchuan’s eyes did not decrease but seemed to see through what she was thinking. He cleared his throat and shook his head together with a sigh.
“It’s not that the meal is not to my taste, I just feel a little depressed.”
“It’s just a meal. Why are you depressed?”
“I’m worried about my next meal.”
Bai Muchuan looked straight at her, his smile grew bigger.
“So, will I be able to eat meals cooked by you frequently?”
“…”
They sat opposite each other. His burning gaze looked directly into Xiang Wan’s eyes. The same ambiguous signal was released just like earlier on what happened at the sofa. A change in relationship might happen any moment…
“Bai Muchuan.”
Xiang Wan suddenly felt at a loss.
“Mm?” He looked at her quietly, offering her time to think it over carefully. “You can say whatever you want.”
Under the atmospheric lightings, there was a faint layer of pink on Xiang Wan’s fair face. She was a person who was very sensitive. In an unusual night like this, she had more things on her mind, but there were some things that were simply difficult to express accurately.
For example, her relationship with Bai Muchuan.
She wanted to go near him but was afraid of thorns.
A while later…
She asked him nervously, “Are you serious?”
She knew very well that questions like these were meaningless, but she couldn’t help but want to confirm them.
Bai Muchuan smiled and leaned forward. The fresh smell of a bath from him seemed to drift to her, when coupled with his low, gentle voice, seemed to make the atmosphere warmer. “I’m serious. I’ve said it before.”
Before… What did he say?
Xiang Wan was caught in a confusion and seemed a little distracted.
“Do you still mind Xie Wanwan?” Bai Muchuan’s gaze fell on her face with his brows raised. “Don’t tell me you do or I’ll be worried about your IQ.”
“I know that you’re not romantically involved with her.” Xiang Wan felt that talking about this during meal time really could affect one’s appetite. She suddenly had no more urge to eat. “I just feel that… There seems to be something missing between us?”
Bai Muchuan looked at her.
For a long while, the two of them did not move their chopsticks.
Xiang Wan felt a little regret. She should not have talked about this over dinner.
“What are we lacking?” Bai Muchuan put on a half-smile. “Say it and I’ll fill it up.”
Xiang Wan felt speechless for a moment.
This is probably the biggest difference between straight men and straight women.
In the same way, a woman’s sensual intuition is fundamentally different from a man’s rational judgment.
Xiang Wan asked, “You don’t understand what I mean?”
Bai Muchuan laughed. “You need to tell me about it. Only then I will know.”
Xiang Wan pressed her lips together tightly and rolled her eyes.
Bai Muchuan raised an eyebrow. “Why did I feel so uneasy at your expression?! Tell me, what ‘bad tricks’ are you up to again?”
Huff! Xiang Wan rolled her eyes again and put down her chopsticks.
Since the two of them had reached this point, there was no need to cover up anymore.
“Fine then, I’ll be straightforward about it. Bai Muchuan, don’t you think we lacked understanding? To be specific, I’m the one who don’t know anything about you.” She paused for a while and pressed her lips together. “In actual fact, you took care of me and treated me well. I shouldn’t ask too much of you. But if I don’t find out about it, I don’t feel comfortable in my heart.”
“What do you want to know about me?” Bai Muchuan asked.
“I don’t know anything about you and never saw through you. You seem to have a lot of secrets and went through a lot. All these that I’m not a part of, you are not willing to let me know about them… That, in turn, created a huge gap between us. For example, your relationship with Xie Wanwan. Why are you her boyfriend in name when you both are not romantically involved with each other?”
Bai Muchuan furrowed his brows as he looked at her but remained silent.
“And…” Xiang Wan suddenly heaved a sigh and looked directly into his eyes. “Bai Muchuan, do you really love me?”
Love in the instant gratification era is like this: saying the word “love” is easier than having a meal. Words like “I love you”, “Smoochies” and “Darling” are all over the internet. However, Xiang Wan knew very well that she did not want these kind of shallow relationship. She was also confident that Bai Muchuan knew what she wanted.
Bai Muchuan paused for a moment. “What is your understanding of love?”
This question stumped Xiang Wan.
Love is something abstract. A thousand people would have a thousand answers. She was also unable to give a specific definition.
“I think true love is tolerance; sacrifice; putting in effort into the relationship; doing anything for the other half, and it must only be that person.”
Bai Muchuan smiled lazily. “Don’t read so much romantic fiction and don’t watch too much idol dramas.”
Xiang Wan: “…”
What did he mean?
“So in other words,” she retorted, “you want me to be your girlfriend but you don’t love me?”
Bai Muchuan’s eyes dimmed. “Of course not.”
Xiang Wan lifted her chin, put on a smile and with a burning gaze, and asked. “Say it then, tell me you love me and will only choose me.”
“If you want to hear them, I can say that.” Bai Muchuan grunted a laugh. “But I believe that your idea of love is that one would do anything for love, be it life and death, is different from my understanding…”
Xiang Wan felt her heart was grasped.
It was a feeling that she couldn’t find words to describe. This feeling suddenly made her somewhat uncomfortable that even her breathing was not smooth.
Why did he put it in a way like this? He’s putting me in a spot, she thought.
He wanted her to be his girlfriend, so she smiled beautifully to tell him “say you love me”. All he needed to do was just say this sentence, and they would have completed the “ritual”. Afterward, they would be in a relationship… But he just had to…
Or did she get it wrong?
“I don’t want to lie.” Bai Muchuan was very serious. “I want to be with you, it’s true. I like you too, this is true too. But the love you want seems impractical. It’s too great…”
“Ain’t love supposed to be great?”
“It’s not great at all.” Bai Muchuan chuckled. “Love is actually practical. It’s the most basic need of humans.”
“Hur!” Xiang Wan lowered her head and laughed suddenly. “Why did I feel that the dishes I’ve prepared have been fed to dogs?”
Bai Muchuan: “…”
“You’ve eaten too.” There was laughter in his eyes. Consequently, he puffed a sigh. “Enough, let’s not talk about all these abstract theories. Well, you’re not a 17 or 18 years old girl, why can’t you look at the problem objectively?”
Xiang Wan looked at him without a word.
Suddenly, she thought of what Cheng Zheng had said to her before.
That he found her suitable for him and could settle with each other. To him, love and marriage were just a transaction and an exchange.
Although Bai Muchuan did not put it in a way like that, it seemed that there was not much difference.
Was that what all men thought of love? Even her idol, Second Young Master Mu, seemed to think the same way too?
Xiang Wan felt a little sour in her heart, as well as a lump in her throat.
Bai Muchuan said he liked her and wanted to be with her. Yet, he flatly denied her definition of love. The two of them had not yet confirmed their relationship and they already couldn’t see eye to eye. How were they able to go on the same path in future?
“My apologies, Captain Bai.” Her fingers ran through her hair. “Maybe its because I’m also a romance fiction writer? I got a little carried away and unable to accept reality. I’m also a little awkward when it comes to these things. Well, what I wanted to say is, I don’t think I’m the one you need.”
Bai Muchuan’s face fell.
After pausing for a moment, he laughed.
“You’re really an idiot. Why do you insist on listening to lies instead of the truth?”
Xiang Wan raised an eyebrow and looked directly at him without saying a word.
“If a man you recently met tells you that he loves you,” continued Bai Muchuan, “he loves you so much that he’s willing to die for you and will do anything for you, and in this lifetime, he only wants you and no one else. He tells that you’ve become a part of his life that is irreplaceable… So you like to listen to all these?”
Xiang Wan raised her chin and glanced at him from the corner of her eyes.
“Don’t stare at me, I’m just stating a fact. That’s why you women are so stupid and always get cheated!” Detective Bai activated his “Agony Uncle” mode of talking. “You have to know, all of these are fake. If a man did that, there is only one purpose. Which is what you’ve said the other day, he’s simply sexually motivated!”
“…”
“This is because men knew very well that if they don’t say this, women will not go to bed with them, and men won’t be able to satisfy their needs. Hence, in order to satisfy their own needs, they have to say these impractical things that they don’t actually mean. Do you really think they will die for you when they claimed they would?”
He was surely persuasive.
His each and every word analyzed a man’s heart in a cruel and realistic manner.
Actually, Xiang Wan knew from the bottom of her heart that he was right.
But her maiden heart was stubborn and unable to accept the cruel fact of life.
She couldn’t face the fact that Bai Muchuan, who wanted to be with her, did not love her that much.
“In all conscience, do you really love me in the same way that you wanted me to love you?” Bai Muchuan suddenly chuckled, the way his lips turned upward was sly and boyish. “Without me, you will still carry on with your life, right? Maybe you’ll miss me for a while, but you will not miss me for the rest of your lifetime. Three months, half a year, one year? There will be new, good men appearing in your life. Do you think you won’t fall for anyone of them?”
I won’t! Xiang Wan felt like saying that.
But if she really said so, she would definitely bite her own tongue.
For she knew very well, she did not have such confidence to say such absolute words.
Bai Muchuan was right. The love that she spoke of, was impractical.
They hadn’t known each other for a long time, and the foundation of their relationship was too weak.
“So, are you willing to accept an honest man?” Bai Muchuan looked at her seriously, his hands spread open on the dining table. “I’m serious, Xiang Wan. I like you and I’ll treat you nicely. Of course, I’ll try my best to love, support you, and strive for an everlasting relationship. I’ll work hard to become the male leading character in your life and experience a love that we’ll never give up on each other.”
Work hard… strive for…
Why did these words sound so awkward to her ears?
Xiang Wan felt funny and rubbed her temples. “You’ve said that men will tell lies in order to bed women. And, in turn, they will make promises that they don’t actually mean. Since you’re so honest, are you telling me that you don’t even have thoughts about sleeping with me?”
That sure was a bold, fiery reprove!
Bai Muchuan was stunned for a moment and couldn’t help laughing. “No, I want to. You should have felt it…”
What a sensitive topic. The two of them had no experience and yet they acted as though they knew a lot.
Both of them met each other’s gaze. She sniffled her nose, suddenly lowered her head where she broke into laughter.
“Why?” Bai Muchuan laughed as well. “You’re not satisfied with this answer? Or do you have no confidence in your own charm?”
“No, no, no.” Xiang Wan waved her hand, still laughing. “To say the truth, Bai Muchuan, I feel that both of us are really suitable to be friends. Haven’t you noticed? Both of us, somehow, we’ve not reached the stage to be lovers but as friends, it seemed just nice…”
“Oh.” Bai Muchuan put on a serious face. “Can friends sleep together?”
Xiang Wan was dumbstruck for a moment before breaking out in laughter. “No way.”
“Topic’s back to square one,” he said, “I need you more than just a friend.”
“…”
The lights in the dining room suddenly became strange.
They did not drink wine, but both of them had a tipsy look. The gorgeous bunch of Chinese roses, as if permeated into the loneliness between the two, bred, released, and rooted in each other’s hearts—they were obviously attracted to each other, but at the crucial moment, that good atmosphere withered.
This is the behavior of people in the modern society: afraid of loneliness, eager for warmth yet afraid to approach and selfishly isolate themselves to protect themselves.
“Xiang Wan, let’s give it a try?”
A while later, Bai Muchuan said without much expression.
His deep voice seemed to have a natural aphrodisiac effect.
To Xiang Wan who loved pretty faces and husky voices, this man was practically poison.
She laughed so much that her face went stiff. She had to rub her face to ease up and puffed a sigh as if in agony.
“You’re right. I did not love you that much just as you did not love me as much… So, my answer is no.”
Bai Muchuan put down the chopsticks, his face was gloomy, and he looked at her like that without batting an eyelid.
The two of them just looked at each other without saying anything.
The sound that broke the silence was the ring tone of a phone.
Xiang Wan was a little startled as she broke out of her trance. “Your phone.”
Bai Muchuan retracted his gaze and took a look at his phone. “Hello.”
It was Xie Wanwan’s female assistant. She told Bai Muchuan about Xie Wanwan’s situation. “Mr. Bai, do you have time to come over now? She’s sitting all alone, not moving, not eating, and not talking. I’m scared and worried at the same time.”
Bai Muchuan paused for a moment. “I won’t be coming.”
The female assistant sounded a little disappointed. “Oh, sorry to have bothered you.”
After hanging up the phone, Bai Muchuan saw Xiang Wan’s scrutinizing gaze and picked up his chopsticks once again.
“Let’s eat! You can reject me, but you shouldn’t reject such nice food.”
He was not usually a passionate man. When Xiang Wan just got to know him; he was cold and treated everyone without warmth. Subsequently as they hung out more often and was more familiar with each other, he had slowly turned into Little Bai where he would also joke and banter with her. However, at this moment, when she rejected him once again, she realized that his attitude seemed to go back to the Detective Bai that she had first met.
Men have pride too…
Moreover, Bai Muchuan was such a proud man.
He had taken initiative so many times but got rejected, he must have felt uncomfortable?
As Xiang Wan thought about it, she gave a gulp and wanted to change topic. “Umm, you really don’t want to go visit Xie Wanwan? She really needs your concern right now…”
Bai Muchuan narrowed his eyes and studied her face. “You really want me to go?”
“These are two different matters,” Xiang Wan said seriously after giving it a thought. “She is an important witness of this case, as well as your friend. You can’t let anything happen to her again, especially at this juncture. Although Cao Mengjia has died, you can’t possibly think that she is the ‘manipulator’ behind all of these?”
Hearing her explanation, Bai Muchuan’s cold expression eased up a little.
“I don’t need to go. She will prefer to be alone…”
Xiang Wan raised an eyebrow and laughed softly. “How did you know?”
If it was her, when she was upset, she would need a friend to talk to and get comfort from them.
The corners of Bai Muchuan’s lips quirked up. “Not everyone is willing to tell someone what they are feeling inside, as that would mean to open up their wounds again. She has to overcome it herself. Otherwise, no one would be able to help her.”
Alright! Xiang Wan gave an awkward smile.
“Maybe it’s hard for me to understand your world.”
Bai Muchuan appeared to be a little grim, pursing his lips in a line. “Let’s eat. The food’s getting cold!”
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Xiang Wan felt the atmosphere seemed to have gotten weird. She rubbed both of her arms and looked outside. “It’s getting late, I need to go back now!”
Bai Muchuan remained silent.
Slowly, he put down his chopsticks and got up from his seat. “I’ll send you back.”
“… Don’t bother.”
“Don’t be stubborn!”
…
Many things could change in just a meal.
Xiang Wan noticed that after this deep conversation between them, their relationship seemed to get even more confusing.
But there was one part she was not wrong. She did not know much about Bai Muchuan, and hence, she was unable to enter his heart.
Thus, they were unable to soothe each other’s insecurities…
Xiang Wan did not know if she had done the right thing by rejecting him. She did not know if she had some kind of mental illness as she might be too idealistic about love since she had never been in a relationship before. As for Bai Muchuan, she liked him as well but their relationship had not reached a point where it had to be him.
The pot calling the kettle black.
Both of them were the same!
Such were the relationships of the people in this modern society.
Fang Yuanyuan saw Bai Muchuan had sent her home so she “arrested” and “interrogated” Xiang Wan.
Nevertheless, Xiang Wan did not have the mood to answer, and she did not look too good. Seeing that, Fang Yuanyuan did not press on further.
“Sis, I’m just joking. It’s your freedom who you want to be with. No matter if it’s Bai Muchuan or Cheng Zheng, I’ll support you wholeheartedly…”
Xiang Wan’s eyelids drooped lazily and gave her a look. “Will Huang He tell you that he loves you?”
Fang Yuanyuan was slightly taken aback.
Pffft! She chuckled shyly.
“Of course! Which couple do not say this?”
Xiang Wan raised an eyebrow. “Is it a must? Is it a must in love?”
“Yes!” Fang Yuanyuan nodded her head heavily. “My ex-boyfriend, my ex-ex-boyfriend, they all say that…”
Oh, they all do.
Therefore, if this was not said, it would be abnormal, and there was no love.
“But that’s all there is to it. Don’t take it seriously. My ex-boyfriend, ex-ex-boyfriend, they all said they love me and would only marry me. They said I’m their little fairy, little treasure, little precious, but that never stopped them from flirting with other girls. They also said the same things to other girls, saying they love them, calling the girls their little fairies, little treasures, and so on … Hahaha!”
“…”
Xiang Wan rolled her eyes in confusion.
So is it better to say it or not to say it?
Fang Yuanyuan continued, “Come to think of it, my Huanghuang doesn’t say that a lot…”
“So he only focused on the act?” Xiang Wan teased her.
“You’re hateful!” Fang Yuanyuan glared at her playfully and continued, “In any case, when men say such words, don’t take it seriously…” When she said this, she suddenly turned around and stared at her with a curious face. “Hmm, this is not right. Sis, why are you suddenly asking me this? Come clean with me, did Detective Bai say such words to you?”
If only he did!
Xiang Wan felt a little frustrated. She was already an adult but was actually troubled over such impractical stuff.
“Can’t I be curious about this?”
“Okay, okay…”
…
That night, Xiang Wan did not sleep properly. Her mind was filled with Bai Muchuan sitting elegantly by the dining table, giving a verdict to their feelings like a noble young master.
Bai Muchuan was serious to be in a relationship with her. With regards to this point, she could feel it.
But somehow, she was unable to cross the hurdle!
Was she expecting too much?
Maybe, otherwise, she wouldn’t be single till now?
When she woke up in the morning, Xiang Wan looked at herself in the mirror and found two eye bags under her eyes. She suddenly despised herself a little…
Why did she have to ask so much of men? For someone like Bai Muchuan, there would be so many women who would want him!
She covered her face with her hands.
There were two voices fighting inside her brain vigorously.
In the living room, Cheng Zheng was sitting on the sofa.
He bought breakfast again as though he was following a standard routine. At that moment, he was looking at the flowers… It was the flowers that Bai Muchuan bought yesterday and Fang Yuanyuan had placed them in a vase on the coffee table. It was exuding a faint floral fragrance in the air.
Xiang Wan did not know what he was thinking and cleared her throat awkwardly.
“Captain Cheng, so sorry to trouble you again. I’m really embarrassed about this. Please don’t buy breakfast again tomorrow…”
“It’s on the way when I came back from my morning jog.” There was a tinge of fatigue in Cheng Zheng’s expressionless face. “I bought these from another shop. Try if the taste is to your liking.”
“…”
She did not expect him to really take in Bai Muchuan’s words.
Xiang Wan felt a little embarrassed.
It was not appropriate to ignore the guest so she would talk to him as she ate her breakfast.
“You don’t seem to have rested enough. You’ve worked overtime last night?”
“Yes,” said Cheng Zheng, “I worked till the wee hours.”
It was not easy for the forensics team, too. Xiang Wan asked, “How’s the autopsy?”
Cheng Zheng narrowed his eyes and looked at the food in front of her. “I suggest you to finish your breakfast before we talk about work.”
Umm!
Xiang Wan couldn’t help but give a laugh.
“Thank you!”
Well, she had to admit that Cheng Zheng had improved.
In the past, he would not bother if she would finish her food after listening to those gory details. But now, he was more understanding…
Xiang Wan could not help giving him another glance.
Coincidentally, Cheng Zheng was also looking at her.
They suddenly met each other’s gaze in midair. Xiang Wan felt awkward.
Cheng Zheng gave her a smile. “Hurry and eat!”
Oh my, did the sun rise from the west? Cheng Zheng actually smiled?
…
Sometimes, life could even be more melodramatic than novels.
Xiang Wan carried her laptop bag and entered the office together with Cheng Zheng where they met Bai Muchuan.
She felt somewhat guilty to his intense gaze.
Seriously, she had nothing to do with either of the men, but she was closer to Bai Muchuan…
The hug on the sofa as well as the light kisses…
That was already beyond the scope of ordinary colleagues and friends.
“Morning.” Cheng Zheng greeted Bai Muchuan.
“Morning!” Bai Muchuan walked over to them and nodded at Cheng Zheng. He stretched his hand naturally to want to help Xiang Wan take her laptop bag.
Xiang Wan stood stiffly on the spot and smiled politely but awkwardly at him. “I can hold it myself.”
Bai Muchuan looked at her deeply, nodding his head.
Cheng Zheng gave a slight snort and said to Xiang Wan, “I’m going up first. See you later.”
“See you later…”
Caught between two!
Xiang Wan wished the ground would swallow her up at that instant.
What the hell is going on?
It seemed that she had become the victim of the enmity between the two men?