Volume 6 Chapter 9
Liu Shan Men and the Three Departments - Vaulting Over South Gate
The Prime Minister didn't resign himself and heed the decree. Instead, he curled his hand around his ear and said, "Oh, this old one is getting on with age. You see, this old one's hearing and vision are poor. Young Master Haozi, did you say there were leftover dishes?"
"E-Eh? I said there was an imperial decree…"
'Fuck your poor vision! You're telling me you can't tell how a eunuch looks when there are so many of them in the palace?! You're clearly trying to dodge the arrow!'
The old man seemed thrilled with it; he narrowed his eyes and looked to the rails of the second floor: "This old one is getting on with age. I… I… I can't see anything. Pass me one some tea please."
The old prime minister leaned on the rails and slipped down as though he was powerless. Not unable to support himself, he rolled over the railing!
Eight Deities Tavern was a classic three-storey building. On the other side of the railing on the second floor was the road. The prime minister wasn't a martial artist. If he fell down onto the ground below, he'd be critically injured if not end up retarded.
Flustered, Eunuch Haozi and the people who learnt he was the prime minister exclaimed in shock. When they looked down, though, they saw his bodyguard, Yanbei, leapt after him. Using his Golden Wild-Goose manoeuvre, he carried the prime minister down to the ground safe and sound. I noted Yanbei had a daoist background from the manoeuvre.
'Hey, his bodyguard isn't half bad,'
The prime minister acted completely stupefied as though he was dealing with a case of Alzheimer. He reacted, "Eh? Where am I?" yet he was running off with Yanbei in tow.
'Fuck me! Feigning ignorance to evade an imperial decree? The standard has been set!'
Ignoring an edict brought to the door was a major crime. Having said that, Eunuch Haozi wouldn't dare to report the prime minister for ignoring an imperial edict. Because I didn't run, Eunuch Haozi turned to me: "Young Ming, since you are here, accept the imperial edict on behalf of Liu Shan Men."
Eunuch Haozi tossed me a yellow scroll. I didn't even have time to think about kneeling or thanking His Majesty, as he chased after the prime minister with his group before I could react.
Second Brother dashed over: "Big Bro, the leader of the ministers of the imperial court is even less dependable than you are."
"Don't spit tripe here." I corrected Second Brother: "He's much less dependable than I am."
I opened the yellow scroll. The contents surprised me. His Majesty summoned Su Xiao, Tang Ye… and I to Wuying Hall after tomorrow's morning conference. He probably wanted to see Tang Ye for his martial prowess, Su Xiao probably to satisfy his new gay fetish, but I didn't have the foggiest idea as to what he wanted to see me together with them for.
'Is there a' summon a warrior get one free' bargain going on at the moment?'
The only explanation that came to mind was His Majesty wanting to penalise me for my insolence during my competition with Jin Wangsun. I had doubts, nevertheless, as it had been days since the event. Surely he wasn't that petty. And so, I was back to square one. I stuffed the imperial edict in my shirt and planned to take my time mulling it once I got back. But alas, the waiter suddenly came over and stated, "Excuse me, you have not paid for your meals."
'Oh, the bill.'
I sent Second Brother an eye signal. He immediately pulled out his wallet: "Oh, the bill. You have a special going on today, so this is yours."
Said of the waiter: "This is not enough…"
Second Brother thundered, "How? I did the maths. You trying to dupe your customers right in their faces?"
"Your bill is settled," said the waiter, overwhelmed with tearless grief. "But the elder's bill is still outstanding!"
'Huh? The prime minister's pearls, emeralds and nephrite soup?'
The water said, "Please pay another two taels."
'Mother. Fucking. Retard! That conniving old shit!'
"Second Brother, you wash their plates for them; I'll go and get even for you!"
"Eh? Wait! Big Bro!"
I left Second Brother crying tragically as I raced off right after I finished my sentence.
I showed Tang Ye and Su Xiao the imperial edict to have them organise their schedules. We couldn't tarnish Liu Shan Men's reputation, could we?
Tang Ye nodded profusely: "I live close to the imperial city's entrance now, so I'll be there on time."
Worried, Su Xiao griped, "I'm on duty tomorrow morning, so I can't wake you up. Remember to wake up on your own, Big Brother Ming."
I grumbled, "Get off my case. What's so hard about waking up?"
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Second morning inside the imperial palace.
A beautiful and energetic young man stood at the front of an empty palace. He was dressed in a black martial artist robe with his hair done up as a ponytail. The palace appeared to have been abandoned for a long time. He appeared to be a gentle young man roughly thirteen to fourteen years old. With his hair all pulled back, his young face was fully visible. His entire body was pure white. If one wasn't particularly perceptive, they would likely mistake him for a girl.
The young man went through a lot to find the palace. It was even tougher to transport the weapons there. There were various weapons on the weapon stand. To be specific, they were the most common eighteen arms in the pugilistic world.
Eyebrows together, the young man commented, "I'll practice Emei's sabre techniques today."
He picked up a sabre and began to swing it. He was fast; however, it was literally random swings. If Princess Hongzhuang saw him, she'd be so infuriated she'd make a trip back to cane him thirty times.
"Now, let's try Wudang swordplay!"
He set the sabre down and picked up a sword. He began practicing a bizarre swordplay. His execution was lacking. He was diligent with his practice. Due to a myriad of reasons, unfortunately, his improvements were negligible.
He then picked up a staff and began swinging it. It was tragic to watch, but he trained until he was drenched in sweat. He went through all eighteen arms in an hour, yet didn't wield a single one correctly. Spent, he sat on the ground. Without any regrets, he mumbled, "I wonder if I'm practicing correctly. Do I count as an adept?"
"Mm…" He rested his head on a finger and remarked, "If only I had a shifu."
He suddenly noticed a dark shadow cast over him. He was petrified when he looked up to see a huge figure!
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"Ah, shit, I'm late! I'm late!"
I did my hair as I ran. I had a Chinese cruller dangling from my mouth and a bag of soybean milk tied to my waist.
I spent all last night trying to figure out what the Emperor summoned me for. Then, I read through the Black and White Reflection and Pink Reflection I stockpiled from last month. As a result, I ended up sleeping late!
I gobbled the Chinese cruller as fast as I could and entered the imperial palace using my usual method - using qinggong. The technical term was "infiltrated". Taking the last time into account, I already infiltrated the imperial palace three times. It was quicker, but there was a drawback: I had to edit the entry and exit records. Jin Wangsun discerned my identity last time as a result of it, so somebody else was bound to sooner or later. So accordingly, I circled around to the front door to edit the records, and then entered the city via another door.
The imperial palace wasn't difficult to traverse due to the tall city walls but due to the patrols being too thorough. I was always at risk of being spotted. I, therefore, always chose the path to Small South Gate, which I once guarded. It was where General Manager Bai and I met each other. Opposite it was the Cold Palace, although it was used to imprison concubines who committed mistakes. That was why nobody was there. It was the simplest path from the imperial city to the Forbidden City.
The morning conference was already over by the time I woke up, so I was on the brink of being late! I arrived at Small South Gate. I obviously didn't have the key. But nonetheless, getting over the wall was simple for me. Thus, I vaulted over…
"Aaahh!"
"Aaahh!"
Two tragic screams resonated from Small South Gate.
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