Chapter 505 – Crime Scene
Chapter 505 – Crime Scene
“What, you want me to wear women’s clothing in public?” Shu Zhe shrieked, “You’re crazy, no way.”
I objected, “Why not, didn’t you already wear women’s clothing in public before? You even went to the women’s washroom… did you forget?”
“That… that was after dark, and I was alone. I’ll get exposed if I pretend to be someone’s girlfriend and have a meal with them. I’ll be embarrassed if I was revealed in public.”
“It’s just having a meal with a group of geeks, how can they expose you? You’ve been practicing your fake girl voice by chatting with ‘Cilantro Buns’ online, plus you don’t really have a visible Adam’s apple. As for the chest, you could just buy some fake breasts. As long as you don’t take off your pants, no one could tell you’re a man dressed as a woman.”
Shu Zhe hesitated for a moment, “Even if I can do it, what would I get?”
“You can get a free meal.” I said.
“Hmph, then I really would be an idiot if I agreed just for a free meal.”
Shu Zhe tossed a piece of gum into his mouth and said while chewing, “Since you agreed to help someone by acting as a pimp, you must be getting money.”
Who’s acting as a pimping? I don’t care about people spreading rumors about me committing homicide and arson or selling ecstasy, but I don’t want to be accused of being a pimp! At most it would be equivalent to the Japanese “rental girlfriend” business. I really wanted to help out those dota friends, so I made this plan.
After I sternly corrected Shu Zhe’s wrong statement, I told him: “There’s money to make, Xiao Ding especially wanted to really stand out in front of the LOL faction. As long as you pretend to be his girlfriend, he’ll give you the ¥1000 he earned from his part-time job.”
Shu Zhe’s eyes lit up when he heard the substantial pay and then said, “Xiao Li has recently taken a fancy to a set of imported cosmetics, and I’m a bit tight on money right now…”
“But when you said Xiao Ding, is he the one who works at the hospital that my sister visits and blushes every time he sees a girl?”
I nodded my head.
“That doesn’t work.” Shu Zhe panicked, “I’ve been to the pet hospital several times to find my sister and Xiao Ding has seen me. I’ll be screwed if he told my sister that I was dressed as a woman.”
“You’re still an immature kid.” I sneered, “Did you think I haven’t considered it? My life would also be in danger if your sister found out. Xiao Ding is the type of friend where we could eat from the same bowl of cup noodles at a net cafe, so he will never reveal it, I guarantee there will be no consequences.”
Actually, Xiao Ding doesn’t know the “temporary girlfriend” that I was going to send him is a trap, but I think Xiao Ding isn’t a particularly demanding person. As long as I could meet his requirement of showing off in front of others, who cares if it’s a man or a woman.
Shu Zhe asked me the specific time, and then murmured: “I could give it a try if I could make some money. I already practiced my fake voice for so long, it would be a shame if I only used it in voice chats with Cilantro Buns…”
“That’s right.” I agreed, “You can take whatever women’s clothing you need from my family store.”
Shu Zhe clicked his tongue and waved his hand as if to say ‘no need’.
“Bro Ye Lin, the women’s clothing from your store is either leopard print or silk, most of which can’t be worn outside. I happen to have a set of clothes I was planning to give to Xiao Li, so I’ll wear that set.”
Eh, are you going to wear your girlfriend’s clothes once before you give it to her, that sounds so strange.
“However, you have to buy all the other necessary equipment I need to prevent me from being found out.”
“Other equipment? What other equipment, don’t you already have clothes and wigs?”
Shu Zhe blushed slightly, “You just said it yourself, so why are you feigning ignorance? I’m talking about the breast pads! I won’t buy any substandard goods for anything that touches my skin, so you will have to reimburse me.”
Actually, I don’t think that’s even necessary. Since you’re so skinny, no one would be suspicious if you had a flat chest. Or is it because Shu Zhe loves to look good in front of others, so he wants to be the prettiest among the other girlfriends even when he’s cross-dressing?
I think you’re being competitive in a strange place. I don’t see you train harder even when you’re second last in the 800 meter race.
“Ye Lin classmate, what did you do Sunday?”
Xiao Qin asked me when we had some free time in language class.
My schedule on Sunday was much busier than what a normal middle school student should have.
Apart from managing the online store, I was discussing with director Cao about the upcoming filming schedule for “Bloody Battle of Jin Ling”.
The second episode with me in it has already been broadcasted on the Internet. Although viewers complained about how the heroine wasn’t raped by Jin Ling Young Thug, it was still more popular than the first episode.
I really admire the make-up artist’s skill, because of their godly skills, the audience didn’t even realize the actor for Jin Ling Young Thug changed in the middle of the second episode. I was also saved from bringing trouble to myself because of this production.
Director Cao wanted to make a last minute change to the script for the third episode to make it more eye catching. He arranged a scene where Jin Ling Young Thug and the male protagonist would fight naked in a stream and he asked me if I agreed.
I might consider it if I was fighting naked with the female protagonist, but with the male protagonist? Are you trying to please the fujoshi viewers?
In the end, we each took a step back and decided to change the scene to where we were only naked on the top half of our bodies.
“There are so many thieves in Dong Shan city these days.”Director Cao complained to me after we finished discussing the film schedule, “The iphone 5s was stolen before I could even break it in.”
“That’s what happens when you buy the newest trend.” I touched the counterfeit phone in my pocket with a sense of superiority, “No one will steal it if you buy a domestic phone like me.”
Director Cao rolled his eyes, “If you don’t use a foreign brand phone as the director, then the actresses will think you’re a fake director. But that thief shouldn’t be too pleased, because I used the iphone 5s fingerprint function and they won’t be able to use my phone for a while.”
“I heard fingerprint locks are quite easy to crack.” I said, “Apparently foreign children can use gummy bears to ge the fingerprints off the screen, so I’m afraid your phone…”
Director Cao waved his hand and said proudly, “A high-end person like me wouldn’t be able to stand out if I used my fingerprint, so I used my nipple print! The thief is out of luck, he’s going to put in a lot of work for nothing.”
That was the only interesting thing that happened Sunday, but I don’t think it was appropriate talking about “nipples” with Xiao Qin, so I told her I was at home sleeping.
“What a coincidence, I stayed home all day on Sunday too.” I drew a manga about our trip to the zoo on Saturday, do you want to take a look?”
She said as she handed over the manga.
What should I say about it? If it wasn’t for Ai Mi’s umbrella, I wouldn’t even be able to tell who was an person and who was an animal.
“Is this a gorilla.” I pointed to a black ball and asked, “I don’t think there were any gorillas in the zoo.”
“Oh, that’s Peng TouSi.” Xiao Qin replied happily, “It’s pretty close, right?”
Well, it actually looks kind of like gorilla. Based on Xiao Qin’s drawing skills, it was already remarkable progress.
“Ye Lin, stand up and answer the question.” The language teacher called me up again, he just didn’t like me.
“Page 57.” Xiao Qin reminded me.
I turned to page 57 and waited for old man Zhang to ask a question. Instead, he put the book down on the podium and asked:
“Let’s review what we learned before. If you hit your family’s dog and it wailed, is it an interjection or an adverb?”
My brain immediately shut down and I hesitantly said: “Teacher, I don’t think we’ve learned this before?”
Old man Zhang snorted, “If I said I’ve taught it, then I’ve taught it. Let’s change the question, if a beggar saw a dog barking at himself, would that be a linguistic description, or a psychological description.”
Huh, what’s up with old man Zhang and dogs today? Wouldn’t it be humiliating if I can’t even answer a single question, the class leader is still looking at me.
I thought for a bit and answered: “For the dog, it’s a linguistic description. For the beggar, it’s a psychological description.”
Old man Zhang sneered: “I’m asking about you, are you in favor of the dog or the beggar, which do you want to be?”
Wow, way to insult me! Is it just because on the last essay with the “contradiction” topic, I used a ultra-modern writing style and wrote, “I looked at my eyes, licked my tongue, and walked to the edge of a round table, and said ‘good morning, good night’ to the long-haired bald teacher.
It’s not like old man Zhang was the only bald teacher. There’s no need to get revenge on me in class.
“They say ‘It’s better to be a dog in a peaceful time than be a man in a chaotic period’, there are many times when people are worse than dogs, sigh”
Old man Zhang turned around to face the blackboard as he muttered those words.
“Ouch!” Someone threw a piece of chalk at the back of old man Zhang’s head and the classroom quickly turned silent.
The class leader might be skilled in throwing, but there’s no way she would be so rebellious and go against the rules.
Xiao Qin pretended it had nothing to do with her and smiled as she wiped away the chalk dust from her fingers with a tissue.
“Ye Lin classmate, why do you keep staring at me? If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to blush.”
You should blush for throwing chalk at old man Zhang. We were only bickering, you didn’t need to intervene.
Old man Zhang was naturally furious, but he wasn’t able to find out who threw the chalk, so the entire class was forced to write a reflection essay.
Xiao Qin, who was happily writing her reflection essay in the self study period, was suddenly called into the hallway by the class leader.
I am afraid Xiao Qin couldn’t escape the class leader’s eyes. The class leader might not have pointed out Xiao Qin was the real culprit in front of everyone, but she still had to scold her afterwards, so she would remember not to do it again.
After the study session was lunch break, but the class leader and Xiao Qin still hadn’t returned. I assumed the two of them probably went to lunch together, which meant the conversation was quite peaceful.
But I was stunned when I saw the class leader face down on the ground in a curved alley behind the food stall street, while Xiao Qin was holding a wooden stick in her hand.