Chapter 160 – Dodging a Bulle
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My relationship with my dad is different than other families. Most of the time, it was not the father taking care of the son, but vice versa.
That’s why I did not answer my dad’s question, instead, I asked in reply:
“Didn’t you say you were going to Director Cao’s place for a blind date? How was she? Why did you come back looking like this?”
My dad smirked, “Don’t mention Director Cao that bastard! He told me to come because he wanted to film an AV for his ‘Plain Chinese People Series’! The blind date was someone he found on WeChat! He was planning on selling the film to a Japanese company he worked with before after secretly filming us!”
“I never thought you would have so much will power!” I said sarcastically, “I thought you would be fine with any woman since you’ve been lonely for so long!”
“Hey, you’re underestimating my eye for women! I’ve already inspected too many adult films, how could my tastes be so low!” He vented, “Also, the woman that Director Cao found was someone who was recently married for half a year! I don’t want to destroy their happy marriage!”
Stop kidding around. A woman who could be so easily enticed by Director Cao to film an AV will never have a happy marriage! In the end, it’s because you spend all day looking at girls like Nishino Shou or Aoi Sola, so your standards of women are too high! If Director Cao actually found a pretty one, your ‘Plain Chinese Series’ would have long spread all over Japan, right? Do you want to shame yourself across the Pacific Ocean!
“Ow~ ow~ It hurts!”
As we spoke, you could see his right cheek start to swell rapidly and his speech became jumbled.
“Umm… Why was I hit?”
My dad asked while sitting on the sofa miserably.
I was in a good mood and felt lucky. If Auntie Ren did not slap my dad on the face, but instead, crushed his eggs based on her previous threat, then the ‘Plain Chinese Series’ would only be a dream.
Since it wasn’t early anymore, I took out a bag of ice from the fridge for my dad to use as a compress. Then I headed out the door with my backpack, I will worry about the annoying matters concerning Xiao Qin later.
I still ran around DongShan Lake and practiced with Gramps in a sleep deficient and absent-minded state.
After Gramps saw my weak punches and my terrible posture, he yelled at me to stop.
“Stop! Why do you look so languid when you’re so young? Did you rub too much last night!”
Eh? Gramps, can you not be so straight-forward! Although we are both men, it is a bit embarrassing for an elder to tell that to me, even if I was wrongly accused!
“Hmph, nowadays, people get hemorrhoids or kidney problems at such a young age. They would go home and sit in front of their computers for 4 or 5 hours, is it that fun to rub that thing!”
Huh? Gramps, you are pretty progressive. You already know everyone rubs one out in front of a computer! But, 4 or 5 hours is way too exaggerated, where did you even get that number from!
“Hmph, you think 4 or 5 hours is a long time?” My grandson would rub for a whole night with his friends in the university dorms!
“…..”
“They would exchange their experience after rubbing so they could prepare to keep rubbing at a net cafe the next day.”
“…..”
“That day when he came to visit me with his father, he actually hid in the bushes in front of the house and when I came close, he jumped out yelling ‘Demacia‘! I kicked him directly into a pile of dog shit!”
“…..”
“After asking him, I found out it was a popular computer game that young people, it was called ‘rub a rub’ or something like that. I heard even grade schoolers play it, they would rub through the night —— you were probably playing that last night too!” (TN: This joke was hard to translate since it was purely based on the fact that the slang name for LOL is ‘rub ah rub’ when translated literally)
I’m being accused. Although LOL (League of Legends) is at the peak of popularity, I have only played Dota at a net cafe with Xiao Ding from the pet hospital. He still calls me a ‘noob’, so I did not have any plans on switching to LOL. In addition, Xiao Ding is a crazed Dota fan, so he looks down on LOL that came to the scene after Dota. If you said LOL is better than Dota, he would cut ties with you immediately.
After I vowed that I do not play LOL, Gramps was still displeased. He told me to rest up tomorrow. If I was still as dispirited as today, he would kick me into the lake.
Since Gramps would kick his dear grandson into a pile of dog shit, I believe it when he said he would kick me into the lake.
I do not know how to swim, so I better get a good nights rest tonight. I will not open the door even if it is the neighborhood committee or CCTV going around for interviews.
Xiao Qin did not come to class in the morning. I don’t know where Auntie Ren took her.
I looked at the deserted seat on my right and I’m not sure what this feeling was. Was it worry? Or was I afraid she would say something else that causes a bigger misunderstanding with Auntie Ren?
Good thing I was able to take a quick nap and recover some energy during English class.
The bell rang and I lifted my head off my numbed arms. When I looked forward towards the lectern, Eunuch Cao and a few other unpopular boys were having a stupid discussion: how should we educate our future kids.
One male student with a pale white face said: “I’ll definitely raise my son to be upper class! Also, he must act elegant and can play the piano!”
Are you elegant because you can play the piano? Ai Mi can play both the piano and the violin, but she loves being a brat.
Another fat male student who accidentally turned his mouth into pork roast by biting a lighter during class said: “I think it would be good to have a male and female twin! I’ll use rod education for the boy! As for the girl, I’ll treat her like a princess!” (TN: rod education = beating the kid, usually with some sort of stick object)
A warped expression of excitement arose on Eunuch Cao’s face, he sneered and said: “That’s stupid! You should use rod education for the girl! Jie Jie Jie Jie Jie —— “
Loud Mouth coincidentally passed by and said to them: “Stop daydreaming! Get a girlfriend first!”
After using the washroom, I was strolling around the hallway where the windows were wide open and smelling the humid, post-rain air. I suddenly saw the committee member, Gong CaiCai, walking towards me with her head lowered.
It just rained, so it was a bit cold. As a result, she could wear her uniform pants, instead of a skirt which causes her to be on edge, so she seemed a bit happy.
I walked down the hallway with a gloomy expression, so it was clear I was in a bad mood. Even the seniors walked a different way. Thus the hallway in front of me became spacious and empty, it was like a private road just for me.
Gong CaiCai never heads towards populated areas, thus when she saw this empty hallway, so took it without much thought. By the time she realized I was the one in front of her, we had almost collided.
“I, I, I’m sorry! I didn’t block the way on purpose!” Gong CaiCai’s face was deathly pale and she walked clumsily towards the left side of the hallway to avoid me.
I have already said before that I do not like to bully others, especially a crybaby like Gong CaiCai. Only weaklings bully the weak.
That’s why before Gong CaiCai avoided me, I had already planned to step out of the way and I took a step towards the left side of the hallway.
We both went left. From the perspective of an outsider, it looks like I purposely blocked Gong CaiCai.
I clicked my tongue and decided to go right. Who knew Gong CaiCai also decided to go right and we both went right again.
Why are you copying me! There is a limit to being a natural clutz! If you stood at the same spot, we both could have passed each other!
I turned speedily towards the left for the last time. Gong CaiCai realized that she already blocked my way twice, she thought she was going to be killed, so she desperately tried to avoid me.
I don’t even have to say it, she chose to go towards the same side as me again.
Thus we collided again.
Gong CaiCai was short, but she had large breasts. Her breasts collided with my abdomen and it felt like getting hit by two volleyballs.
With her reckless hit, she was able to push me back by half a step.
But she got it worse. She staggered back five steps and sat down on the floor.
She began to wipe her tears immediately after she sat down.
“Do-, don’t kill me! I don’t want to die~~~!!”
Who said I was going to kill you! I was going to help you up! If you are this afraid of me, will you faint if I go over there? What exactly did I do to give you the impression that I’m a homicidal demon king?!
There are no teachers in the hallway and students all looked at each other with dismay. No one dared help Gong CaiCai because they thought I would take it as a provocation.
“Stand up by yourself!” I said to Gong CaiCai who was crying loudly on the floor, “Can you act normally! It’s a lawful society, no one wants your life!”
“Don’t take my life~~ Boo hoo hoo~~~ I don’t want to die~~!!” Gong CaiCai clearly did not listen to my words and she started to cry louder.
I’m not sure when Eunuch Cao came out from behind me, but he was interested in the crying Gong CaiCai, and he gave me a thumbs up.
“Leader, you’re too cool! How did you know your disciple likes the sound of a girl’s wail? I have to quickly record this!”
He looked around for teachers before he took out the cellphone he snuck into school.
Before he could press the record button, he received a knuckle to the head, and his phone was also taken away.
“Who! Who did it! I have connections to the student council! You dare…”
After he saw the person who took his phone was the class leader, Shu Sha, he tightened his lips and turned silent.
The class leader put the confiscated phone in her pocket and went to help Gong CaiCai. At the same time, she turned around and glared at me.
It was as if she said “Look at what you’ve done”!
My fault again? Class leader, you have too much of a bias towards females! Since I collided with Gong CaiCai, it should be treated like a traffic accident where both parties are equally responsible! Why did it become my fault just because Gong CaiCai cried! If you’re this biased, the next time I collide with a girl, I’ll sit down on the floor first and cry! Then let’s see how you react!
The class leader comforted Gong CaiCai for a while like a mother amusing her child. I could vaguely hear the words ‘He’s a gutless bandit who doesn’t kill people’, or ‘I’ll walk home with you after school’.
Who’s a gutless bandit! I’m not against the fact that you like to be a good person, but why do you always make me the bad guy! If Xiao Qin was watching, I would have shown you what a ‘gutless bandit’ looks like! I’ll definitely molest you in front of Xiao Qin. I’ll feel Gong CaiCai and your ass before running away while laughing!
In the afternoon, Xiao Qin finally came to school wearing her backpack. I looked out of the classroom window and saw Auntie Ren’s bumblebee driving away.
Since she sent her daughter to come to school, was the misunderstanding cleared?
Xiao Qin told me that her mom took her to the hospital with a red face.
“My… My mom and her female classmates, the gynecologists, gave me an inspection.”
“They ignored me and strapped me to a gynecologist table with stirrups… They saw everything!”
“It… It’s so embarrassing!!”
Xiao Qin covered her face with her hands and probably wanted to crawl somewhere to hide.
“But… there was at least something good that came out of it…” Xiao Qin slightly calmed her emotions and said to me while giggling: “Mom told me to tell you: She won’t take you or your dad’s life for now…”