Chapter 51 - Unabashedness
"All that is behind you, Ana," he said as if pleading with her to not think about it.
Anastasia put her plate to the side and drank more water. Ileus picked up the utensils and stacked them up in a bag. When he returned, she was already lying down and watching the candle flicker. Instinctively he lied behind her and curled his hands around her waist.
She felt secure in his arms and snuggled into his arm that was beneath her face. "I am sorry," she said as she thought about how much both he and his group are doing for her. It was beyond words. Moreover he was taking care of her whenever nightmares rocked her. She was ashamed of depending so much on him, both emotionally and physically.
"For what princess?" he asked, making lazy circles on her belly.
"For depending so much on you. I won't forget it—"
"I won't let you forget it," he grinned in her hair.
Her lips kicked up at his unabashedness—a quality she didn't possess. She wished she had gone closer to him earlier. Her mind went to the fact as to how he managed to stay in Vilinski for so long? "How did you manage to stay in Vilinski all this time? I am sure that Maple must be finding every opportunity to be with you. And what about Aed Ruad? Didn't he notice you?"
He sighed. "Maple is a corrupt woman to the core, very dark and her ambition knows no skies. When I was just introduced to her, she gazed at me as if she would eat me up alive. I hated her and at the same time, I was afraid—afraid that if I didn't come up to her level, she would throw me out. All my hard work, all my labor of six months would have gone to waste." He stopped circling her stomach. His muscles stiffened. "She asked me to come to her chamber one night. I didn't oblige her and she ordered her guards to whip me. That is her favorite form of punishment. Every night after that I woke up drenched in sweat with nightmares." He had never shared his misery with anyone before, but he felt that she should know.
Anastasia could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly behind her. She turned around to face him. In the candlelight, his eyes looked like warm orbs of honey. He pulled her closer to him, placed his leg over her and started stroking her back as if the act would comfort him. "I had steely determination to not go to her room and I thought that I had lost the opportunity when I got the information that I had been permanently recruited by her. And my punishment—I had to stand guard outside her room everyday and watch her lovers walk in and out as they moaned and groaned every night. I have no idea why she did that, but it was disgusting. I endured it and that was the time I learnt what kind of terror you must be living in. You asked me about Aed Ruad. That bastard knew what his sister was up to, but he was least bothered because he himself had a huge harem." He brought her head under his chin. "Once she had me stand in her room and watch her with her lovers on the pretext that I was her guard and that I needed to see what I was guarding."
Anastasia felt horrible. She closed her eyes as disgust crept up again. Acrid taste of bitterness burned her throat. "Ileus…" she whispered.
"She tortured me like that for one month. She has affected me for eternity. A month later she asked if I would reconsider the request. When I refused, she got me whipped again, and again and again… until I could take it no more. She threw me in a dungeon with deranged soldiers. I don't know for how long but when I finally came out, I was like a walking dead."
Anastasia couldn't believe that Maple was so twisted in her life. She had done so many horrible things to him to break his soul. Anastasia held his shirt and kissed his chest. The kind of agony he must have undergone was unthinkable. She felt goose bumps on her body.
"Once I was out, I met someone close to Aed Ruad and convinced him to make me a part of his royal guard. Maple came to know about it and stopped her torture. I wasn't transferred to Aed Ruad. But now I knew that she wanted me to be her personal whore. As if I would have allowed it. I made sure that Aed Ruad sees me and sees my potential as a guard. It was on his behest that Maple was forced to put me as your royal guard."
A tremor cruised through her body. "I am so sorry for— for their actions, Ileus."
"It had nothing to do with you, Ana. You can't blame yourself for everything. In fact for the last two months, I have been only plotting ways to get you out of there. I saw the endless torture they gave you." He curled his hand under her chin and tipped it up. "Don't ever pity me or pity yourself, okay? We endured what we had to and that made us stronger."
"No Ileus, I am just—" she lowered her eyes. How could she say that? "You are a brave man."
"And you are a brave woman," Ileus replied. "We both have had our shares of nightmares." His warm breath fanned her face. "I want you to stop thinking about what happened to you and look forward to the future. What plans you have and what all you want to do next. You should spend time charting all that rather than dwelling in the past."
Anastasia leaned closer to him. There was an ache in her throat. She didn't want to appear needy. "I am not the person who sympathizes with myself but I think it is going to take a lot of time for me to come out of it and— and I will try."
He continued.