I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

An Lin returned to his dwelling and swallowed a Blood Spirit Pill before going to bed.

This was an eighth-grade spirit pill with the effect of healing injuries and replenishing energy and lost blood.

Such valuable pills should be saved for usage in battle as he could easily just slowly heal through natural rest and recovery outside of battle.

The reason why An Lin chose to eat the pill was that he was simply far too rich!

Resources had to be utilized to show its true value. An Lin was very aware of this fact and would definitely not treat himself badly just to save on money and resources.

Sure enough, after waking up the next day, his body was feeling completely at ease and fit as a fiddle. All his prior injuries and exhaustion had been completely wiped away.

“Ah… the pills feel so good, I think I’m getting addicted.”

An Lin stretched lazily and exclaimed with an expression of contentment.

“Big Brother An should let his underlings feel good as well, woof!” Da Bai protested in dissatisfaction.

Da Bai already knew about An Lin’s drastic increase in net worth after Lin Junjun’s visit the day before and wanted to take a share of the loot too.

“Eh… you also want to eat some pills?” An Lin blinked at the huge white dog in front of him who was wagging his tongue in displeasure. “Hmm… let me think about it.”

After a moment, he brought out a golden spirit pill from his storage ring, much to Da Bai’s delight.

Da Bai wagged its tail in excitement and panted heavily. “What pill is this? Woof!”

“Emperor Snake Pill, Ninth-grade spirit pill, consumption of the pill can fortify the meridians, improve body flexibility as well as drastically increase energy and stamina, thus reigniting the man in you…” An Lin elaborated slowly.

Da Bai: “… put it into simpler terms, woof!”

An Lin: “It’s for curing impotence!”

Da Bai faltered slightly, then abruptly pinned An Lin onto the ground before slapping his face with his massive paw. “Big Brother An, you’ve gone too far! I don’t need stuff like this, how could you look down on dogs like that!?”

After some vigorous morning exercise, An Lin expertly applied some ointment to reduce swelling onto his own face. He then went outside to wander around on Da Bai’s back.

Da Bai still accepted the Emperor Snake Pill in the end, arguing that having a pill was always better than having none, regardless of what effect it had.

Xiao Hong was still on the rooftop photosynthesizing, while Xiao Chou had run off to who knows where to cultivate, announcing that he wanted to attain his domain during this time period.

An Lin was considering whether to offer some strong support to Xiao Chou when he decided to try and break through into Soul Formation Stage.

After all, Xiao Chou had been through a lot with him, and as the owner, he should express his concern and care. Da Bai already had his impotence pill, Xiao Chou needed something as well.

As for Xiao Hong, there really wasn’t any need for this. All she knew how to do was to photosynthesize every day. An Lin really couldn’t be bothered dealing with her.

“How about… I give Xiao Chou an immortal pill that would help him break through to Soul Formation Stage?” An Lin suddenly spoke after much thought.

Da Bai’s body trembled in grief and indignation. “Why does our Third Brother get an immortal pill, but I get this trashy impotence pill? I’m the Second Brother, how could Big Brother An be so biased!”

An Lin stroked Da Bai’s head lightly. “Think about it this way, elders have to cater to the younglings. Xiao Hong is the Big Sister, she didn’t get anything, but you got a spirit pill, so it’s quite normal that the Third Brother gets the immortal pill.”

Da Bai: “…”

Thus, An Lin made the decision to get Xiao Chou an immortal pill and flew on Da Bai to Dou Shuai Palace.

It was still the same old process. After An Lin declared that he would like to refine an immortal pill, the small Dao child led him to the pill refinement room of Yi Xi the Enlightened.

Pushing the wooden door open, An Lin was welcomed by a strong medicinal scent as well as the sight of the person responsible for pill refinement in the Heavenly Court.

“Holy f*ck, Yi Xi, why are you so fat now!?” An Lin was startled by the sight in front of him.

The man in front of him had a huge head and floppy ear and his stomach protruding out like a ball in front of him, no… His whole body was a ball!

Yi Xi was not very impressed with An Lin’s exclamation. “Stop being so loud, I’ve always been fat.”

An Lin’s lips twitched slightly. “You were a fatso before, but you’re a ball of lard now…”

He was right. Yi Xi was so round that he actually resembled a ball. Even the Zhu Bajie depicted in stories probably wasn’t this fat! [1. Zhu Bajie is a fictional character in the iconic Chinese novel “Journey to The West”]

Yi Xi was instantly enraged by An Lin’s words, and his flabby body trembled violently. “So what if I’m a fat ball? This is only temporary! When I get my accumulation of quantity to result in a qualitative change someday, all my fat will make me stronger!”

“Huh?” An Lin blinked in complete incomprehension at what Yi Xi was saying.

Yi Xi brought out another pill from his storage ring as he spoke.

There was a golden light flowing around the pill which sent light ripples spreading around the pill. This was clearly no ordinary pill. Yi Xi placed the pill into his mouth and began chewing without uttering a single word and narrowed his eyes with an expression of pleasure and enchantment.

“Hehehe, pills are the best, I can feel my body filling up with energy again!”

Yi Xi clasped his hands behind his back and exclaimed happily.

Pills? An Lin’s lips twitched. “Elder Yi Xi, could it be that your body became like this from eating pills?”

Yi Xi tilted his head toward one side and gave An Lin a smile akin to the smile a benevolent elderly person would give to a young child. “That’s correct, Mr. An Lin. I have already discovered the secret of eating pills and am close to reaching the final step. Thinking back, this was all because of the inspiration you gave me. When I achieve my Dao, I’ll be sure to visit you and express my gratitude!”

An Lin was taken aback by his response.

Did he seriously attain this type of body from eating pills? Holy crap, just how many pills did he eat?! And he said he was inspired by me? Stop attributing random crap to me, I ain’t copping it!

An Lin knew that he couldn’t continue with this topic of conversation and immediately changed the topic. “Elder Yi Xi, the reason why I came here today is because I would like you to refine an immortal pill for me that would be helpful to someone trying to break through into Soul Formation Stage.”

“Oh? How many would you like? Are you going to repeat your show of eating consecutive pills in quick succession like last time?” Yi Xi’s eyes lit up with anticipation at An Lin’s request. If An Lin put on another pill-eating that demonstrated the evolution from quantitative to qualitative change, it might give him some new inspiration, so he was starting to get quite excited.

An Lin’s face twitched and he hurriedly explained, “It’s not for me, but instead, it’s for one of my beast pets. He’s a golden-eyed monkey king who has reached Spirit Nurturing Final Stage and would like an immortal pill that can help him make the breakthrough.”

“Oh, I see…” A hint of disappointment flashed across Yi Xi’s face. He pondered to himself for a short while before continuing, “Beasts will need to withstand a small trial of lightning to advance from Spirit Nurturing Stage to Soul Formation Stage. The golden-eyed monkey king is a type of beast with extremely high intelligence, so the seventh-grade immortal pill, Ancient Divine Pill, should be the most suitable choice. Feed it to your beast pet before the trial of lightning befalls him. This will ensure that not only would he receive protection during the trial, thereby significantly lowering the risk involved, it would also assist in fortifying his domain after the trial as well as strengthen his consciousness to a small extent.”

“Oh…” An Lin nodded in response. He didn’t understand what was being said, but anyway, he was filthy stinking rich. Hence, he immediately agreed with Yi Xi’s analysis. “Alright, then I’ll go with the Ancient Divine Pill!”

He handed a large piece of paper to Yi Xi as he said this.

There was a large “Yu” character on the paper. This was from back when Lin Junjun was backed into a corner and had no choice but to give An Lin a blank cheque, which should be able to be exchanged for any immortal pill below sixth-grade.

He also had an immortal pill coupon from Emperor Ziwei as well as another immortal pill coupon from the Dao Exchange Conference of the Four Powers, all of which could be exchanged for an immortal pill with a grade lower than the sixth-grade. However, An Lin always had a nagging feeling that Lin Junjun’s blank cheque might be a bit unreliable, so he decided to use that first.

Yi Xi blinked in confusion at the piece of paper in front of him. “What are you doing?”

An Lin shook the piece of paper lightly. “I’m using this to exchange an Ancient Divine Pill from you.”

Yi Xi’s round, flabby face fell as he stared at An Lin with an inexplicable expression. “Are you f*cking kidding me?”