Chapter 818 So are you
In fact, sleeping was a kind of a hell for him. Whenever he sleeps, his past haunts him to no end. And for the last hundreds of years, nothing had ever chased those nightmares away. Nothing could. But the presence of this woman miraculously did. She chased his nightmares away just by hugging him while sleeping. For the first time after so long, he had finally experienced what peace felt like again. What it was like to sleep without nightmares.
It was maddening to him at how all these things just happened to him now of all times. It was like everything was coming at him from all sides, trying to defeat him and drive him to his knees. Now he knew. Now he knew what it was like…
He dozed off while sitting there staring at her. The nightmares came but this time it was a little different from the usual repetitive nightmares he had been having for the last hundreds of years. He saw his father smiling at him, no, the b**tard was smirking at him. 'So? How was it my son?' he asked in taunting voice.
And Ezekiel could only look at him helplessly with rage and hatred coursing through his veins. 'Just give in. You can't fight it, Ezekiel. It is impossible. You will lose in the end. So why bother fighting it?'
'Shut your mouth up!' he growled out, and his father barked out in laughter.
'Save yourself from all the futile fighting and resisting, Ezekiel. It's time for you to breathe and give in to what you desire. Follow your heart for once. Choose what you truly want and throw your brother away. It can't be helped if he suffers and rot in that dungeon forever.'
'I said shut your f*cking mouth!!!' he attacked that man he once called his father, but he could not touch him at all. 'I won't be like you! I won't throw away anyone important like what you did! I will keep my promise no matter what!'
'Then what about her? The woman that you desire so terribly? Are you not throwing her away by not choosing her? Poor her, poor poor Alicia.' His father tsked and shook his head at Ezekiel.
'I'll kill you!!! Don't f*cking mention her name with that filthy mouth of yours! I'm gonna kill you many times over!!!' he roared out.
Then he woke up, gasping, sweating and…
"Al… Alicia? How… how come you're awake?" he asked, giving everything he had to gather his composure as he looked over at her, who was already kneeling before him and cupping his face.
"I… I don't know I just…" her lips began to tremble. Her fingers on his face were also trembling. "I just…"
"You saw it… my nightmare." He said flatly after seeing her wide eyes. And at the mention of that, her tears fell, and her trembling worsened.
"I'm… sorry. I…" Their connection had allowed Alicia once again to peek into his thoughts, and this time she had shared in his nightmare.
He leaned back against the headboard and laughed sardonically as he ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair and tugged at them. Hard. As though he wished the pain to be able to negate all that had happened.
Alicia watched him abuse himself, not knowing how to respond for the moment. All she could hear was a crackling sound in her ears… that must be her heart that was breaking into pieces.
A curse rumbled from his mouth after his laughter died down. "I am sorry that you have to keep seeing how f***ed up I truly am, Alicia. I never… wanted you to see all these… I –" he was falling all over his words. Another rare thing for Alicia to witness.
She hugged him. Her arms wrapped around and pulled his head to bury it in her bosom, sniffling from her crying.
"You're not f***ed up…" she whispered between her sobs, "they were the ones to f*** you up, Ezekiel. Your father… he's the f***ed up one so don't you go listening to him."
She pulled away, cupping his face as she stared straight into his eyes. "Listen to me…" she added, hiccupping, "keeping your promise to free your brother doesn't mean that you're throwing me away, alright? Not choosing me never meant that you're throwing me away. You clearly know that right? You never made a promise to stay with me forever or choose me, Ezekiel. And I never wanted you to sacrifice anything… no I never wanted that… I would hate it if you broke your promise and let your brother suffer forever. I would hate it so much… so don't you dare listen to that man. Do you hear me? Ezekiel?" Alicia spoke with conviction as her eyes bored into his, willing him to understand that she was serious and telling the truth.
He just stared back at her for a long while before he lifted his hand and wiped away her tears. She had not noticed she was crying. "How many times have I made you cry already?" his wan smile caused her heart to squeeze painfully.
"Don't change the topic. Did you hear what I said?"
A pained but gentle smile curved over his handsome face before he started kissing away her tears. "You really… deserve someone much better than me, Alicia. I want to beat myself up for letting you encounter and get mixed up with someone like myself."
She pinched his cheeks again. But this time with a little more force than preciously. "Stop saying such nonsense, Ezekiel! And –"
"I know…" he cut her off then he buried his head into her chest again. "But I always know you're too good for someone like me to desire, Alicia –" his voice came out slightly muffled, but she heard it clearly.
"And so are you, Ezekiel." she pressed her forehead against his. "The more I know about you, the more I realize you are someone who deserve all the love one could ever offer. Do you know what I am thinking right now?" she pulled away and gazed at his eyes, "since it's impossible for me to have you here in this world, I want to follow you to hell. That way… I can love you there forever."