Chapter 942 My Beautiful Monster Part 43
Chapter 942 My Beautiful Monster Part 43
LUCIFER
Nagawa Mira aside, Suigetsu has made it clear that he dislikes Sumire being with him. Even though the old man seems to be encouraging him to have a sexual relationship with Sumire. He wants to be in control of her. If she is by his side, Suigetsu cannot control her.
"Our situation as I have mentioned before is very complicated in this life. There were many factors that prevented us from being together. Because of those factors, I decided that telling you would have a negative reaction rather than a positive one. It was selfish of me to decide this on my own. However, I had to. I did not want to risk you disliking me. I wanted to give you a choice. " Lucifer paused. "When, we weren't together. You had other lovers, not just Toh."
"I figured." Sumire paused. "You reacted so sensitively to Toh. I figured there was someone else. I have been getting memories of another person. I don't know what it meant so I didn't tell you. No, I felt like it would break your heart if I said anything."
Lucifer cringed hearing those words. Of course. Of course he can't erase it completely. Terashima will always remain in her heart. He has seen with own eyes how powerful their bond is.
Sumire gave his hands a gentle squeeze and Lucifer found the courage to continue. "I convinced myself that you were happy. That you deserve to be happy after everything you went through. This life hasn't been easy for you, After the role I played in your life, after I hurt you. I knew that you hated me, and would be better with someone else. Someone covered in light and not darkness."
Now she has proven that fear to be correct. She will always choose Terashima. The bond between them, their blood bond is nothing -
To his surprise Sumire frowned. "Don't talk like that. You're making it sound like just because you hurt me, I wouldn't have chosen you."
That's because 'I know, the you with memories would never have picked me. Even if you did know about the bond, you would have been disgusted by it.'
"I know this isn't what you want to hear, and deep down you want a real answer. But this is all I can say."
Sumire shakes her head. "This is more than enough, More than what I expected from you. I'm thankful that you told me this."
Hope flared in his chest. She cares, she still cares. She isn't pulling away from him. But, a voice in his head was telling him that it's not just him. He isn't special. After all, didn't she forgive Nagawa for all his faults? Didn't she stay with Nagawa even though Nagawa repeatedly cheated on her and broke her heart. She loved him with a desperation, that she sacrificed her own happiness, and her dignity.
'I want to think that I am better for her. That I'm the obvious choice. But Toh, and Terashima? Those two have proven that they respect her, and will watch her back. The criteria Norah laid out for him during their first date.'
"But it isn't enough. I understand this information isn't exactly selling me for you to accept the bond."
"You're right." Sumire mumbled.
At those words, it felt like his heart would stop.
"If you were trying to persuade me to accept this bond. You'd be using those lips of yours, and your very skilful hands."
It takes him a moment to understand what she was saying. Lucifer blinked surprised and Sumire laughed as she cupped his face.
"I've never seen you this speechless before."
"But you-" Lucifer didn't know what to say.
"I may not have a complete picture of our life together. But, there is one memory I managed to put together. When I was younger, when we were both children. I was crying, and you sang for me. Your songs resonated in my heart."
Lucifer felt the tears well up from his eyes. Emotions he thought he long discarded.
"I see you Lucifer, even the sides of yourself that make you think you're a monster. I see yourself the side of you, you think no longer exists. I see you, the one who my heart holds dear. I may not be able to say those words. But, you are so dear, so very precious to me. I won't trade you or our moments together for another person."
His arms wrapped around her and Sumire gently caressed his cheek as she wiped the tears. "You're so beautiful, my beautiful monster. You may think you're broken, and have no chance of healing. But it's the same with me. We are both broken but we can heal. We can heal together. I can pick up your broken pieces and you can pick up mine."
He was very emotional at this point and buried his face in his shoulder, inhaling her scent as his body trembled. Lucifer felt her play with his hair.
"I care for you Lucifer, a lot. I may not be able to say those words to you, but you're so important to me. I may not be able to remember much of our time together. But, that single memory I put together was enough. It's enough I would endure anything to be by your side."
Lucifer finally found the words to speak. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. When she regains her memories, she will hate him. But for now, he can live this lie can't he? They both can. Just for now.
Sumire rubbed her thumb over the back of his finger. Each touch made him shudder. She has always had this impact on him. It's the main reason why in this life, he has avoided being in close contact with her. He didn't want her to notice.
"I really don't want to lie to you." Lucifer mumbled. "I want to tell you everything."
He genuinely means these words. He does want her to know the truth. He does want her to be with him, by his side willingly.
"I understand." Sumire said softly. "But there is no need to rush. I won't be going anywhere."
She has already been here for a month, he has another month with her before the time limit he agreed on with Toh is up?
He knows he has to return her memories to her eventually. Even if he wishes to be selfish. Her career, all her hard work will vanish if he continues to keep her by his side. Even if it means returning to being the villain in her story.