Back Then, I Adored You

The paper money was worn, as though it had passed through many people’s hands.

Qin Zhi’ai uncrumpled the note as she told the cashier that she would like to leave the magazine on the counter for a second because she needed to grab something else.

She turned around and only walked half a step before she noticed a short note written on the money. “Little lovemaker, I am sorry.”

Even though the words were not clearly legible, she recognized Gu Yusheng’s handwriting.

He must have written that note a long time ago: “Little lovemaker, I am sorry.”

Since we’ve been apart for eight years, no one has called me little lovemaker except in my dreams.

“I am sorry.”

Why did Gu Yusheng apologize to me? Was it because he’d stood me up twice? Or because he gave me a fake phone number on purpose?

Her memories rushed over her mind’s edge like a waterfall.

She’d started to have crushes on boys in middle school, and she’d heard of one particularly handsome boy in high school, Gu Yusheng.

On her very first day at A High School, a tall, skinny boy walking by her had helped her when she struggled with a heavy suitcase.

He was handsome whenever he rode his bike.

He was energetic and a star player on the basketball court.

He always looked sad when he smoked with his head down.

He had said “hi” to her once when he had sat near her in a neon-lighted party room.

He had stubbed out his cigarette while saying, “Let’s go. I’ll give you a ride home.”

He had picked up a chair and fiercely smashed it on Jiang Qianqian’s brother’s head.

When his father had become violent, he had covered her in his arms. He hadn’t cared about anyone or anything but her.

He had casually talked about his patriotic dreams with her while they relaxed on the grass.

She had stood outside Gu Yusheng’s grandfather’s house, where over the fence she had watched Gu Yusheng dressed in black squatting on the ground when his parents had passed away.

He had looked aloof when he saw her once, and he’d turned to someone next to him and asked, “Who is she?”

She’d agreed to be Liang Doukou’s body double and, the first time she walked into his grandfather’s house, he had stood face to face with her and locked his eyes on hers.

He had been angry and broken the necklace Qin Jiayan had given to her. He’d gone to great lengths to fix it.

After Hui Shi had given her the internship, they’d gone on a team-building event, and she had watched him for a long time as he dealt with his depression on the balcony.

She’d had horrible menstrual cramps, and he’d gone out on a cold night to get her a hot water bottle.

He’d passed her a glass of mango juice and asked the cafe to play the “The End” for her after he’d returned from Hainan.

When she’d been kidnapped at the Gu Company annual party, he’d immediately come to rescue her.

These memories relentlessly ran through Qin Zhi’ai’s mind.

She stared at the notes—”Little troublemaker, I am in love with you” and “Little lovemaker, I am sorry”—as many people passed by her in the store. Suddenly, she squatted down and cried.

The noise around her drifted far away as what Lu Bancheng had told her at dinner was all she could hear.

“Brother Sheng and Xiaokou were never married, and Brother Sheng has never even considered marrying Xiaokou.”

“I do know that Brother Sheng likes her a lot.”

“I walked to the door and saw him crying instead of singing.”