Back Then, I Adored You

“She also learned that both you and your sister were going to quit school… And even that your sister had thought about working at a nightclub to earn quick money…

“Oh, I’ve told you so much already but really nothing about me… I worked at a nightclub when I first arrived in Beijing, so I knew all too well about how shady those places were, and I was close to Su Qing and we both concluded that your sister would never be able to handle such an atmosphere. That night after we talked, Su Qing hugged me and cried for the rest of the night. At daybreak, she suddenly asked me if I could introduce her to a rich man because of my contacts with many of them in Beijing. She said that she was willing to do anything as long as that person gave her money.”

Qin Jiayan could guess what was coming next. Afraid of facing it, his hands began to tremble as he held onto his glass of water.

“How could I possibly agree to this? But I didn’t have much money either, and I couldn’t help both of us. She begged me, cried, and pleaded with me until eventually I gave in even though my heart ached for her. And then I found a man for her to marry. At that point, I thought that she actually could have a slightly better life at least, but little did I know that I was actually pushing her into a fiery pit and that she would have been better off just being a hostess like me.

“That man’s name was Lin Mo. He was Su Qing’s husband, and he’s gay. The Lin family found that shameful, and they wanted to spend money to buy a girl to cover this up from the public. Coincidentally, Su Qing needed the money, and she was perfect for the role.

“Initially, the Lins only offered her $2,000, but she asked for 400,000. That was 10 years ago! The Lin family thought that she was filthy greedy to demand such an exorbitant sum of money. Even I thought it was outrageous, but she insisted that that was what she wanted. Finally, probably because the family couldn’t find anyone else willing to marry Lin Mo, they agreed to her demand.

“The day after Su Qing and Lin Mo settled their marriage arrangements, she received the money, which she split into two portions. She mailed one portion of it to her own father and gave the other portion to me… That day, she wore a checkered skirt and, before she left, she told me something that I will never forget: She said that only those who do not have to worry about food and clothes are worthy of pursuing romance.

“Even if I don’t tell you, you can probably guess what happened to the $200,000 that she gave me, can’t you? And you’d be right… It went to the hospital for your mother’s hospital bills…

“I met up with her increasingly less frequently after she married Lin Mo. Eventually, we didn’t meet up until several years had passed. It was during Chinese New Year this year… I took my children on a trip to Beijing, and I suddenly thought about her and gave her a call, and that was how we connected again.

“We met up that day, and she doted on my child… She spent a lot of money on fabulous food and some toys. From my perspective, I was relieved to see her so happy. While I knew she was only Lin Mo’s wife in name, she didn’t have to worry about her basic needs. For people like us who were traumatized by poverty, this was truly a blessing.

“And then at the end of last month, she called me in the middle of the night to tell me that she was pregnant… She was overjoyed.”

Pregnant? The end of last month? Wouldn’t that make it possible that it’s my child since we had sex that night?

Qin Jiayan felt as if his heart was going to stop at that very instant.

“Since I’d already given birth, she asked me a ton of questions about being pregnant, the delivery, taking care of a baby… I thought that her husband had accepted her as the woman in his life, and that made me so happy for her. We had a great chat that night.

“But that happiness lasted for less than a week. She suddenly arrived here from Beijing to see me…