Chapter 76
Chapter 76: Between Laughters and Tears
Over 3,000 words.
This chapter was edited by Din2.
“I……”
Yan Ru Xuan’s ‘I’ for a while, she did not speak out another word, to be honest, one beautiful woman who was sitting in front wished to say but still ashamed, nevertheless, she was still pleasing. It was a pity that Zhuo Qing’s patience was limited, lowly sighed and said: “You actually do not know what you want to say to me either, is that right?”
Originally, Yan Ru Xuan was still somewhat hesitating, listening to Zhuo Qing’s words afterwards, she suddenly smiled once, with a soft voice, she said slowly: “The first time that I saw him, I was only five years old, I remembered that Second Imperial brother was teasing me at that time, taking a hold of my most favorite silk fabric and hanging it on the branch. I was crying and calling out for a long time, the palace maids and eunuchs were berated by the Second Imperial brother, nobody was helping me. It was then, at that time, he appeared, that meager silhouette entered into my eyes, and also entered into my heart. He helped me to take the silk fabric down, still helped me to wipe dry my tears. I would never forget eternally, his smile was so gentle and so warm.”
Yan Ru Xuan’s facial expression was too dreamy and……. happy, completely immersed in her own constructed world, Zhuo Qing’s expression slightly flashed across in her mind, but she did not interrupt her all along, silently listening to her talk.
With great difficulty, Yan Ru Xuan recovered, the original happy smile immediately changed in to some bitterness: “Marrying him is my dream since I was a child until I grow up, I do not know if there is no him in my life, how can I survive?”
Zhuo Qing frowned and asked: “Therefore when you realized that he actually did not love you, you decided to kill yourselves?”
“Maybe what I did was foolish.” Smiling sweetly on her young face, she still did not know how to hide a trace of happiness in her heart, maybe could say that she did not wish to hide it, Yan Ru Xuan smilingly answered: “I think, he may have liked me a little bit in his heart, take a pity on me. Otherwise he will not let me recuperate in his home.”
“Your mother have told you this?” Her face hardly concealed her happiness that made Zhuo Qing was somewhat anxious, this kind of misleading, with regards to the current her, it might be the last straw to save her life, then again, it could push her deeper into the abyss.
Yan Ru Xuan lifted her head up swiftly, looked towards Zhuo Qing’s clear and bright eyes, urgently said: “Do not tell me that it is not so?”
The woman in front of her who was only a little over ten years old, with a confused face that was watching her attentively, Zhuo Qing could not bear to smash her dream. Even if she said it, Yan Ru Xuan would not necessarily believe her either.
Forget about it, Zhuo Qing did not reply to her, she changed the subject and asked: “Then what are you planning now?”
“I…… do not know.” Hesitating once again, Yan Ru Xuan forced a smile and said: “He does not love me.”
Zhuo Qing stared blankly, she thought that Yan Ru Xuan was always living in her own world, believing that Lou Xi Yan and her were in love, only then when she heard the news that he was getting married, she collapsed afterwards and attempted suicide. At the moment, it appeared that her heart was obviously cleared about this very much, Zhuo Qing did not understand: “You obviously know, why do you still want to waste time on him?”
“My heart is his, completely his, ten years, ten years, I can not be without him, from the beginning, I can never able to resist my own heart.” If it was indeed a waste of time, she had already wasted too much times, unable to free herself.
Watching attentively at the eyes in front of her that even though it had a damage feature, but it was still a glorious woman, deeply breathing, Yan Ru Xuan said: “Can I ask you a favor?”
Looking at her who seemed to summon her courage completely, Zhuo Qing could not help to ask: “What?”
Nibbling her lips, Yan Ru Xuan clenched her teeth, her voice was somewhat trembling: “Please let me marry him, ok.”
With a thumping sound in her heart, Yan Ru Xuan held her breath to wait for Zhuo Qing’s answer.
Yan Ru Xuan was nervous and also embarrassed, Zhuo Qing, nevertheless, broke into laughter and said: “This is not a problem whether or not I will let you marry him.” As it turned out, everybody thought that she was a hindrance and did not let Lou Xi Yan to take a concubine?! It seemed that Yan Ru Xuan still did not understand, the main point in this argument was not on her!!
Thinking deeply for a moment, Zhuo Qing bluntly asked: “You reply my questions first, ok, you can put up with the person whom you love, beside you, there is actually another person, still this other woman, he loves her so much more than he loves you? When he hugs you, kisses you, will you not think that he is kissing another woman? When you need him, yet he is with this other woman in another room, will you not feel heartache? Will you not ask for more? So through out the day, is this not the type of self torture? Can you entirely accept these?”
What Zhuo Qing said somewhat entered the bone, Yan Ru Xuan’s face was more and more white, solely imagining Zhuo Qing was saying these, it was already enough to make her in pain in her heart. But this ache, compared to the ache of losing him was insignificant, exerted herself to nod, Yan Ru Xuan with a trembling voice answered; “I….. I….. can.”
If she really could, why should she look almost fainted, Zhuo Qing shook her head, with a clear voice, she said: “I can not. Everyday I will live in jealousy, suspicion, demanding, loathing, make myself to become repulsive. I do not want this kind of life, also do not want this kind of man, so you do not need to ask me to let you marry him. If he wishes to take you as his wife, I will leave.”
The woman who was in front of her was enveloped by the setting of multicolored sun rays, icily arrogant expression, firm tone, self confidence with an elegant manner, Yan Ru Xuan conceded, she was convinced by her. It was Yan Gege who gave her this kind of confidence, right, Yan Ru Xuan was somewhat unwilling and sneeringly said: “You speak so free and at ease, it is because you know that the person whom he loves is you, it is also because you do not love him enough either.”
Zhuo Qing simply did not know whether to laugh or cry, she could not tolerate Lou Xi Yan taking a concubine, in that case, it showed that she did not love him enough?! In her heart, this so called love was whether or not it was endlessly sacrificing one’s life? Endlessly indulging?! Endlessly abusing oneself?! Zhuo Qing immediately stood up and answered: “Very well, between you and I, there is really nothing to say.”
If she continued to talk with her again, she would be furious, looking at Zhuo Qing who wanted to turn around to walk, Yan Ru Xuan also got up promptly, lowly shouted: “I must become his wife, I….. can not not have him.”
Her feet that were lifted up stopped, lightly raised her eyebrows, Zhuo Qing coldly groaned and said: “You will declare a war with me?” Being soft could not do, then she would be tough?
Facing Zhuo Qing’s ice cold question, Yan Ru Xuan hastily shook his head again: “No, I only hope that I can be together by his side, and get along peacefully with you.”
“It is impossible.” Zhuo Qing’s answer was extremely quick, hardly compromising, she said: “I have said it, if he picks you, I will leave immediately, I will not come between you and him, because at that time, he is not the person whom I love. If the person whom he picks is me, I will absolutely not allow him to have a second woman, this is not targeted to you, I will have the same attitude towards whichever woman.”
“Why do you sever any relation with him like this?” Yan Ru Xuan did not really understand.
Zhuo Qing did not conceal his own opinion, tranquilly answered: “Because, I love him, but I love myself more.”
Zhuo Qing’s answer made Yan Ru Xuan’s original pale face to become annoyed and flush in anger in a flash.
“How can you be selfish!” She indeed did not love Yan Gege enough, would only consider her own needs, this kind of woman absolutely did not match with Yan Gege!
Yan Ru Xuan’s indignant explanation, she simply did not understand the meaning of her own sentence, both of them were not from the same world. Zhuo Qing felt tired and not in the mood to explain, coldly answered: “Maybe.” Finished speaking, Zhuo Qing walked towards the inside of the house.
Staring at that ‘bossy and domineering’ back, Yan Ru Xuan clenched her fists, and with a loud voice, she said: “I will not give him up.”
Not turning around, her footsteps were the same as always, Zhuo Qing coldly said these two words: “As you wish.” Her patience was already running out! ***** The night was like an ink stick, the moon liked a hook.
A woman’s long hair was draping over her shoulder, half lying on the window frame, her hand was pinching one piece of paper, her eyes were always staring at the densely packed characters, but her expression was unfortunately empty, just like she had lost her soul.
After chatting with Yan Ru Xuan in the afternoon, Zhuo Qing had this incapable than desirable feeling, it was maybe from childhood’s worldview and value, the romance outlook was entirely different. She could not understand the ancient period woman’s way of thinking, did not know how to communicate with them either, she was glad that she met with Lou Xi Yan, if it was another man, they should also think the same as Yan Ru Xuan and would use ‘selfish’ to evaluate her, right.
Lou Xi Yan was standing by her side for a good moment, she was still in her own universe, he thought if he did not say anything, it was reckoned that she would not discover that he already returned.
Lightly patting her shoulder as he was afraid to scare her if he suddenly said something, Lou Xi Yan with a soft voice asked: “What are you looking at that makes you so entrance like this?”
Sure enough, even though Lou Xi Yan already lowered his voice as much as possible, Zhuo Qing was still startled, raised her head to look towards Lou Xi Yan who was by her side, puzzlingly asked: “How come you came back really early today?” Did he not say that he would come back really late this afternoon?
“Still early?” Lou Xi Yan’s thin eyes slightly raised, looked outside the window for one glance to see the pitch dark and quiet lake, she unexpectedly resented the he came back early? It seemed that he needed to work harder to make her miss him more, all right.
Zhuo Qing looked towards the outside window, only then she realized that the sky was already dark, she thought that she was lying on the window frame for only a short moment, that was all, who would have thought that it was already this late. Somewhat embarrassed, Zhuo Qing gave a hollow smile, raised her head to avoid looking at Lou Xi Yan’s gloomy face.
She was somewhat strange tonight, Lou Xi Yan was concern and he asked: “What is going on with you? Feeling uncomfortable? Or, what are you worrying about?” She and Yan Ru Xuan were talking alone this afternoon, Jing Sa had already reported it back to him. Originally, he did not want to ask because he believed that she could deal with her. But she had this preoccupied appearance now, and it made him feel sorry for her. Perfunctorily shaking her head, Zhuo Qing swayed a piece of paper on her hand, and answered: “Nothing, Qing Mo gave me this piece of paper today, she said that this was Yang Liu’s valuable stuff before he died, maybe there was a connection to the gold case. I studied it for half a day, but it did not come up, I thought for a long time, and was somewhat entrapped, nothing more.”
Sure enough, as his expectation, she was still not willing to say it, no longer questioning it closely, Lou Xi Yan laughingly said: “Can you let me look at it?”
Dan Yu Lan already reported and requested to reinvestigate this case, continued to pursue the gold’s whereabouts, the Emperor gave his consent immediately, it was after all one million liang of gold! But this gold case was definitely related to the important ministers in the Imperial court, he was afraid that any development would be bloody and fishy.
Taking the paper on her hand to give it to Lou Xi Yan, Zhuo Qing’s heart was filled with expectation, she asked: “You say whether or not there is some code word? Maybe it is some secret code? Have you ever studied astrology?”
Lou Xi Yan broke into laughter: “I am not proficient in astrology at all.” Even though he really enjoyed her adoration expression, it was a pity that he really did not understand astrology methodology. Unfolding the paper, he only saw the words ‘front front back back left left right right’ on it. These words, no wonder she was confused, he also did not understand when he saw it.
Looking for a good moment, Lou Xi Yan was also unable to fully grasp, taking the paper to return it to Zhuo Qing, Lou Xi Yan lightly smiled and cautioned: “Have you thought it, Yang Liu was only a Lieutenant General at the General’s manor, he was only an ordinary military man! The stuff that he left, could it be related to astrology, code word or secret code?”
Zhuo Qing made a striking sound with her finger, smilingly said: “That is right, how come I have not thought of it! We might make things too complicated, in fact, what he wanted to express was the most superficial thing.”
Lou Xi Yan approvingly nodded his head, but Zhuo Qing’s face suddenly looked defeated again, distressingly sighed: “But what is the most superficial thing anyway?”
Feeling sorry about her worry appearance on her face, Lou Xi Yan pulled her hand to stand up, comfortingly said: “Well, you have thought about this for one whole day, do not think anymore, rest early, ok. Maybe there is a flash of divine light tomorrow, and you can get it.”
Zhuo Qing gave a supercilious look, which flash of divine light could be easy like this, but it seemed that she really had some reason. Taking the paper and putting it on the pocket inside her belt, Zhuo Qing generously answered: “Very well, go to sleep.”
Crossing over the screen to enter the inside room, Zhuo Qing suddenly discovered that there was a small bed next to Lou Xi Yan’s big bed, just half the size of the big bed, Zhuo Qing strangely said: “Why are there more beds in the room?” She did not discovered this in the afternoon?!!
Lou Xi Yan finally said to her: “You know now that you have made yourselves to be fascinated a moment ago, ok.”
They just brought it in?! Heaven, she was unexpectedly absent minded at this stage!! Even if she was dead, she would not admit, Zhuo Qing hurriedly shifted the subject: “Your bed is already so big, why do you still want to bring in another bed?”
Finished asking afterwards, she thought that she was really stupid, sure enough, Lou Xi Yan was somewhat helpless, somewhat flirting, with a somewhat teasing’s smile, he said: “You sleep in the big bed, I sleep in the small bed, I am afraid if I share a bed with you, I can not wait until our wedding night, then I will take a hold of you……”
His words had not yet finished, but the meaning was already clear, he was actually, for the sake of himself also, shared a pillow with his beloved woman, but could only see. This was really an enormous torment, he was afraid that his self control would eventually unable to resist the temptation!
Zhuo Qing was laughing, she naturally understood what he meant, but as a modern person, a premarital relationship with the person whom one loves was a very common matter. She did not think that there was any problem at all, facing Lou Xi Yan’s fascinating phoenix eyes, Zhuo Qing lowly laughed and said: “Nobody wants you to wait anyway.”
Lou Xi Yan’s body was stiff, he obviously understood that this was Zhuo Qing’s invitation, under the candle light, her figure was graceful, eyes like fire, forcing a mouthful of saliva, Lou Xi Yan staggeringly retreated one step, then urgently said: “It is not early anymore, sleep, ok. Good night”
Finished speaking, he laid on the small bed by the side extremely quickly.
Zhuo Qing stared blankly and stood there, not knowing whether to laugh or cry for a moment, what should she do…… She gave him a permission, but he still did not want to take it?!
This was injuring her self esteem?!
Or in theory, he needed a little bit of stimulation…….