Chapter 531: Worthless Trouble
Chapter 531: Worthless Trouble
I can’t do anything after finding out about Reval and Mistry’s relationship anyways so I figure I should just go back to the inn. Celia, who is riding on my shoulders, covers her face bashfully but I don’t pay it much attention.
「Bastard, how dare you say that!!?」
When I go near the inn, I hear someone shout. That voice is unbelievably loud.
「It’s Irijina-san. She’s being so loud in the morning.」
Irijina is standing imposingly with her spear planted firmly on the ground in front of men donning armor, seemingly blocking their way.
The city guards also wear metal armor so those are probably the knights searching for Mistry on Reval’s orders.
That idiot, doesn’t he know that the knights will keep searching if you don’t give the order to withdraw?
「Hmp, it’s true. Your dirty spear is an eyesore, stuff it in a gunny sack!」
「This spear is an heirloom passed down in my family! I won’t tolerate any insults!!」
The knights apparently started the quarrel by mocking Irijina’s spear.
Irijina values that spear highly and polishes it everyday during her travels. She would naturally react to someone making fun of it.
「So what are you going to do about it? What can a woman who got her status by sucking Hardlett’s dick do!? No matter how big your body is, you’re still a female. You can try to act cool and copy what a knight――uwaaaah!!」
The knight was thrown by Irijina in the middle of his long speech.
He spins once in the air and crashes into a water bucket on the side of the road, becoming drenched.
「……pff.」
「Kuku……eh, ahem.」
A chuckle escapes the lips of an onlooker watching in the distance.
The knights will surely not remain calm after this.
「Y-you insolent woman!!」
The knight draws his sword and runs at Irijina.
Celia pulls my ear right as I am about to go help.
「She’s fine.」
Irijina deliberately receives the incoming sword head-on with her spear.
It was the blade of the knight’s sword that broke with a shrill metallic ring and flew off in another direction.
「Seiya!」
Irijina rotates her body and slams the man’s face with a powerful elbow strike.
The man is sent flying into the air again and crashes down into a tub of oil this time, becoming slippery.
「Did you see my treasured spear!!? You should stuff that dull sword in a sack instead!!」
She delivered the perfect line too.
The spectators and Celia applaud.
「Y-you……I’m going to report your disorderly conduct to Reval-sama. Of course, your lord will also find out…… kukuku, you might be abandoned for getting into a fight in the city while accompanying him to the dinner party.」
「Au.」
Irijina, who didn’t think that far ahead, becomes a little disheartened.
That man is uncool for being proud to win by declaring he will tattle to his master. He must have a small dick.
「Hm, I have certainly heard it.」
I push aside the onlookers and step forward.
Celia squirms on top of my shoulder to get me to lower her, but I tighten my grip on her thighs and don’t let go.
「Ha-Hardlett-dono, this is……」
「It’s fine.」
I rub Irijina’s dejected face, pat her head softly and then squeeze her ass.
Celia also pats her on the head. She probably wanted to do that since her height normally doesn’t allow her to.
「So, you over there, who was tossed by a woman in a fight, got your sword broken, covered in oil and water, and got so angry that you would threaten to tattle on her, what’s your name? I have to tell your master about the details of this scuffle.」
The man is stumped for words and looks back and forth between me and the surrounding onlookers.
「That bell chime―― it might be a summons so if you’ll excuse me!」
The knight hastily flees.
「……that’s the bell which marks the start of the morning market. It rings every day.」
「Pathetic. That’s how someone who usually wins by being overbearing acts?」
The onlookers watch the knight run off with disdain.
Let me sink the boot further.
「I have one revision. Irijina is pretty bad at sucking. The tightness of her hole is incredible though.」
「Waaaah!!」
Irijina closes her hands around my neck.
She has tremendous power. A weak man would not only be choked to death, his neck would break.
「A-also please put me down already!」
I run into another commotion when I enter the inn with Celia pulling my hair from my shoulders and Irijina strangling me.
「Man, I’m jealous of you. I hear you’re a person of low birth yet you get to be Hardlett’s staff officer.」
「A staff officer does not need status. All that is required is to be appointed by Lord Hardlett. Where is the problem?」
Leopolt seems to be speaking……with a noble I don’t recognize.
「That is true. However, it is customary to use a subordinate noble or their children as staff officer, head domestic affairs official, butler, or knight escort in order to not disrupt the harmony.」
「With all due respect, the Hardlett family has had its share of hardships in both domestic affairs and military affairs since its establishment and can only survive by using the most optimal methods rather than following tradition. Since Lord Hardlett has made that choice, isn’t it none of your business?」
The usual Leopolt would not entertain such a worthless opponent.
It’s odd that he’s refuting each and every argument.
「I don’t care about the Hardlett family who look like they came from the mountains. But by some mistake, he is a margrave! If a margrave of Goldonia breaks a noble tradition, it would set a bad example! You don’t even understand that unless I spell it out, mountain advisor!?」
「I can only be ashamed of my own incompetence. But I can’t overlook disrespect to my lord. Also, are you aware that your words calling it a mistake are directed at His Majesty, the one who bestowed peerage to my lord?」
This seems interesting, I’ll watch a little longer.
Celia also rests her chin on my head and watches the two exchange words.
「D-don’t be ridiculous! All my words are obviously directed towards you! It’s just a quote from a famous poem……」
「A poet who speaks about nobles, is it Mystitil? Or perhaps it’s Levarton?」
The noble’s eyes blink like the flapping of a butterfly’s wings.
He probably doesn’t know a thing about poets. I don’t either.
And if Irijina doesn’t release her grip soon, I’m really going to pass out.
「It’s because you are an illiterate commoner that you can’t understand what I mean! I’ve had enough, I won’t gain anything from talking to you more than this!」
「It was a pleasure being scolded by you. In line with this, I have written down your words for future reference.」
As Leopolt says so, he flips over the paper he kept under his elbow from the beginning.
I hold up Celia by the ankles and she herself stretches her body as far as she can to take a peek.
「He had the exact words of their exchange written down from the start. That means……」
Leopolt responded according to what was on the paper.
In fact, he even had the other person’s reactions and how to guide him to that point written down.
It appeared like the noble was disparaging Leopolt as he pleased, but he was actually dancing in Leopolt’s palm the whole time.
That is unbelievably humiliating.
「Guh……Grrrnnggh!! A mere commoner like you dares to offend a noble like me!!? 」
The enraged noble places a hand on his hip.
Leopolt signals me with his eyes.
「That’s enough.」
Me stepping forward was enough for the noble to take his hand away from his sword.
「What is the fuss?」
「Weren’t you watching?」
Oh, he noticed.
「Also, coming in with an adult woman on your shoulders and your neck being strangled attracts more attention.」
The other person seems to have realized just now though.
「Anyways.」
I take the script of the exchange named the record of proceedings.
「If things happened as written here, then Leopolt isn’t at fault, no?」
「Grnnggh……n-no, the issue isn’t with what is being argued! The fact that a commoner humiliated me, a noble, is in itself an insult! This is a serious crime!」
He said a pretty troublesome thing.
「This is a major problem for the nobles and by extension the royal authority! Now that it’s come to this, a special trial should be held……」
「Aah, enough.」
I lower Celia from my shoulders and reach my hand into her pocket.
「Funya! S-stop!」
A handkerchief, a map, a half-eaten cookie, spare underwear……oh, found it.
I take out the brush and my seal that Celia always carries with her, and swiftly scribble something on the back of Leopolt’s record of proceedings.
「Leopolt――Leopolt……」
「Fugenberg.」
I clear my throat.
「Leopolt Fugenberg, I hereby appoint you to the rank of Viscount.」
「I gladly accept.」
Irijina applauds energetically.
「Now it shouldn’t be a problem.」
I turn to the noble who is absolutely stunned.
「How arbitrary. Do you think such a stupid thing――」
The noble stops short just as a thought pops into his head.
I have been granted the authority to promote an individual up to the rank of viscount.
That power was given to me by the king so any complaints will be toward the king’s decision. And that is something he will never say.
「M-my family only attained a rank after being loyal for three years, yet it was s-so easily granted.」
Leopolt proceeds to stand up and address the noble.
「Still dissatisfied, Baron Werth?」
The baron lets out an indescribable groan of agony.
With that out of the way, I eat the breakfast I missed while talking with Leopolt.
「Are you fine with that?」
Maybe it would have been better to appoint him at a formal reception.
「It doesn’t matter to me. I do not have much interest in a Goldonian title.」
Somehow, that makes me irritated that I appointed him.
See, Irijina has such a wistful expression.
「However, having a title makes it easier for me to move. Thank you.」
That’s good enough.
「In any case, it isn’t a status that will last for very long.」
I call over Celia without saying anything.
「I don’t need a peerage. Having Aegir-sama as my lord is enough!」
Accepting the peerage is just formality, you won’t actually be serving the king.
She is too cute so I pinch her cheeks and ruffle her hair.
「Well, even if you have the right to confer a peerage, don’t you need to contact His Majesty?」
「I’d expect so. I don’t know how to do so correctly, but I guess I’ll pass it to Erich for now.」
If I don’t know something, I tell Erich and he’ll figure it out.
Nonna, who has been screaming in the inn for some time now, also seems to have completed her preparations so it’s about time to go home.
That is when someone pokes my back.
I turn around and see Sekrit. She looks unusually worried.
「Come with me.」
I get up, wondering what will happen this time.
「I actually got tangled with a guy calling himself a hired sword of Reval.」
「Again? Are they thugs or something?」
Maybe I should have raked them over the coals.
「He accused me of being a sex slave and using my body to curry favor.」
「I guess I’ll punch him once.」
I exhale as I ball my hand into a fist.
「He also provoked me, asking what would happen if he touched me, and reached for my chest.」
「I’m beating him to death.」
I won’t show any mercy to anyone who lays a finger on my woman.
Sekrit scans her surroundings before entering a small warehouse while using her leg to erase a red mark that was left by something being dragged.
「I couldn’t help losing my temper too. I ended up killing him.」
「Hey.」
There is a man lying inside the warehouse with his brain hanging out from his smashed head.
「I can’t really cover for you if this gets discovered. Let’s bury him.」
Fortunately, the ground of the warehouse is dirt.
If we dig a deep hole and fill it in, nobody should know.
「That’s why I called you.」
Sekrit offers me a shovel.
「……why do I have to bury a corpse during my trip to a dinner party?」
「Don’t be sad. I’ll let you dig into my ass on the way back……or would you prefer if I did the digging?」
I start scooping with my shovel, sighing every so often, as a bulge forms in my pants.
「Alright, is everyone here?」
「Felteris isn’t.」
「Mack is not here!!」
「Christoph and Zillia haven’t arrived yet either.」
All of us are really uncooperative, huh.
I’m impressed we could travel together with these members.
I knock down Mack, who is the first of the bunch to return.
「I wanted to get revenge for getting caught in the badger game.」
What are you talking about with your crotch so excited, get in the carriage.
Zillia, who comes back next, glares at me.
Meanwhile Christoph has an easy-going smile.
「……I was so one step away.」
Don’t try to do it when we’re about to depart.
Do it in the carriage where I can peek.
「She’s over there! After her!!」
「She’s so nimble! She’s jumping from roof to roof!」
「She’s naked underneath that coat! Damn pervert!」
A whistle blows and guards chase after someone.
The person being chased leaps after a running start, and to my amazement kicks once more in midair to fly one level higher to jump over the city walls.
「Wind magic……alright, time to depart. Let’s pick her up outside the city.」
We encounter a sniffling young boy outside the inn.
「Weird lady――with her mouth――to squeeze――white pee――and used the hole in her crotch――to get that part red.」
That will become a good memory ten years later.
And so, after one or two inconveniences, we returned to the mansion where a single woman was waiting.
Corrupt City ②
In a tavern in Zwei Elfie.
「Give me a drink, a strong one.」
When Gido sits down, the thugs hanging out nearby move away from him.
Everyone already knew about his three-on-one brawl and relentless fighting style.
He silently gulps down the liquor placed in front of him, but chokes badly and coughs.
A fancily-dressed woman approached him.
「Hey mister. I saw you earlier, that was incredible.」
The woman rests a hand on the nape of Gido’s neck and strokes him in a seductive manner.
「I have no need for a woman.」
Gido’s cold attitude does not deter the woman, and she lowers her hand from his chest to his stomach.
「With skills like yours, you can make a lot of money. Also, this part seems……strong.」
Before the woman can extend her hand down to Gido’s groin, her wrist is grabbed.
「I told you I don’t need a woman.」
「Come on, don’t be shy. If you want, I can suck you off a little here.」
Gido immediately exudes bloodlust, which frightens the prostitute.
Refused without uttering another word, the prostitute reluctantly leaves, cursing under her breath.
「It seems he doesn’t have any interest in women. What intense bloodlust.」
「He isn’t some ordinary guy. He must be the type who prefers gold and killing over girls.」
「Messing with him is probably not a good idea.」
The door of the tavern opens again while other customers whisper to each other.
「Hey, hey, are you kidding me?」
The individual who walked in steals everyone’s attention.
It was a woman standing at 150 cm or so with a decent face wearing a tattered hood, which isn’t anything rare.
The first thoughts to come up in a reasonable person’s mind when hearing such a description would be that she is someone’s lover or she is trying to promote a brothel.
However, this particular woman is pushing a cart with a baby inside, which defies the usual line of thinking.
「Hey, who’s woman is this!!? She came to search for the man who abandoned her!!」
Someone yells out in a loud voice, prompting others to laugh like idiots.
Nevertheless, the woman ignores the ridicule and looks for an empty seat, but the earlier prostitute places a hand on her shoulder.
「Get out, this is our turf. No one is crazy enough to want an orgy with a woman carrying――」
Before the prostitute could finish speaking, she spins in the air and falls head-first on the floor, fainting instantly.
It was the woman in the hood who grabbed the prostitute’s arm and threw her.
Laughter suddenly quiets down and the master snaps his fingers.
That signals a giant two-meter tall man to step out from a small room in the back of the store, who cracks his knuckles in anticipation of a fight.
「You picked a bad shop to go wild in, miss.」
Zwei Elfie is a cesspool of outlaws.
But one can’t do business in a town of rogues if robbers are constantly ransacking the place.
Every shop has a bouncer who is called to make an example of and forcibly remove troublemakers from the premises by force without guarantee for their life.
「I don’t want to punch a mother in front of her kid, but prepared to lose at three teeth.」
As the man’s fist cuts through the air, the woman lightly strikes the elbow of the man’s extended arm with her tiny hand.
「Gyaaaa!!」
The man immediately clutches his arm and screams in pain.
His arm was bent in the wrong direction at the elbow joint.
Gleaming in the woman’s hand is some kind of metal object.
「Fuh.」
She stoops her small body over and uses steel-toed boots to kick up at the man’s privates.
The man grabs his crotch and collapses to the floor without letting out a sound.
In shock, the tavern master spits at his now incapacitated guard and sighs.
Those who display power are right, that is the way society works in Zwei Elfie.
The woman examines her surroundings and then takes a seat next to Gido, who seems completely unaffected by the ruckus.
「I’ll have what he’s having.」
Not saying another word, the master complies and places another order of Gido’s drink in front of the woman.
She poses a question without turning her face to Gido.
「Your name, mind if I ask what it is?」
「……」
Gido doesn’t answer.
The woman proceeds to rock her baby back and forth as if to say it’s fine if he doesn’t feel like giving out any information.
「Gido.」
「I see, I am Visitacion.」
After the short exchange, the two drink their alcohol and cough together.
「「You seem familiar……no, nevermind.」」
As soon as the two speak simultaneously, the door of the tavern opens again to the dismay of the master.
「So you’re here after all! Oooh and the woman with the child is here too, that saves me time!」
The large man lumbers over to the two with a bellowing voice.
「Uugeeh!?」
Disregarding Visitacion’s dying croak and Gido’s silence, the man sits down in between them.
「My name is Zaphnes! First thing’s first, let’s have a banquet to welcome you. Master! Bring out all your best dishes starting from the top!!」
The man――Zaphnes roars as he dumps out a pile of gold coins on the counter.